CONTEST: Your six-word travel stories
Tuesday, March 17th, 2009
Over at Memoirville, we’ve published Rebecca Touger’s interview with Susan Jane Gilman, author of Undress Me in the Temple of Heaven. Gilman chronicles her 1986 trip through China: “[We went] on a romantic impulse, hoping to become female Bryons and Kerouacs and impress the world with our derring-do. Instead, we found ourselves in a foreign land, completely cut off from the world and stripped of everything: language, cultural understanding, our status in the world, our physical health, our sense of self, our sense of direction, and even the most rudimentary ability to communicate.”
Last week, we asked you for your six-word housing memoirs, and we got a fair number of horror stories. This week, we want you to leave home behind: we’re looking for your worst travel experiences, in just six words. Leave your responses in the comments section below, and five winners will receive copies of each of Gilman’s three books: Undress Me, Hypocrite in a Pouffy White Dress, and Kiss My Tiara. Don’t think you can say it all in six words? Include backstory, and we’ll send one winner copies of our six-word books as well.
I’ll get the ball rolling with one of my own, from a long evening in Marseille, France: “Stranger in station stole vodka, kiss.” No, it was not as romantic as it might sound.
Kid vomited all over self, me.
Don’t give her the ’strong’ mushrooms!
The princess of the youth hostel.
Chestnuts smelled better than they tasted.
Chocolate and lace in Brugge, Belgium.
Walked Champs-Elysees in GORGEOUS shoes. OUCH!
Nobody knew where the Louvre was.
Engagement born at Colosseum ended sadly.
Learned truth about kilts in Paris!
Always left New York less alive.
Declined camels; climbed Sinai on foot.
fantasy fest, mobile works of art
Hello Tijuana! Shit… Federales! Hello America!
Friends got bedbugs; I got Irishman.
Married in Vegas, advise against it.
His kid whined the whole vacation.
Perfect snowboard trip, until smashed knee.
Learned about face in Wyoming heat.
Stone presidents. Stone heart. Stole stones.
Skipping skiing for son’s first Disneyland.
Camped in tent with hot stranger.
Hiking in Colorado Rockies, got lost.
Spain: Not for the salad lover.
Turkey was essentially Greece on sale.
The pleasure lies in the discovery.
Left passport in the pub occifer.
I’m charged to LEAVE your country?
Leaves gorgeous last week; gone now.
A mile high might be exaggerating.
my dreams diminished within a pint
Suddenly I had the foreign accent
got lost in adventure–found myself
It was uphill all the way.
He came, he saw, I conquered.
The Mediterranean Sea cured her schizophrenia.
She had to learn bungee jumping.
Hercules visited Gozo; so did I.
My staycation was better than travelling.
Bitten by crocodile in the Nile.
Valletta, built by gentlemen for gentlemen.
Hell yeah, Jace!
Heathrow Airport lost all my luggage.
Turkey was probably dipped in Greece.
I lived to write about it.
Once bitten, twice shy, thrice reckles.
In India, everything white turned brown.
Female Camper: Did you hear that?
Morning: 5 degrees Afternoon: 85 degrees
Ran out of money too soon!
For your eyes pleasure!!
Drank the water. Waiters with mops.
Ashram with Swami Snatcha-your-wallet.
Culture and beauty around every corner.
-45C… and me in my lean-to.
I’ll never eat guinea pig again.
Mosquito bit me; I nearly died.
Frogs’ legs taste like chicken, almost.
Did you ever eat termite patties?
Cow dung makes good emergency fuel!
The Voodoo Princess didn’t like me.
Dived for sea urchins in Australia!
All roads lead to Rome. Not.
My postacards arrived after my return.
Last day in Jamaica, terrible diarrhea.
Black mold, expensive, scary hotel, Milan.
Freezing overnight layover at Chicago Airport
She didn’t believe in time zones.
Taxi ride Japan: Head gets slammed!
Baggage went to Tokyo, I didn’t.
Restrooms in Moscow? No toilet paper.
“Gambled” in Vegas. Got strep throat.
Accidentally drank the water in Mexico.
Midwesterner stupidly, rapidly descends Alpine mountain.
Vomiting 7 hours in airplane bathroom
Full iPhone stolen off table, Starbucks
Swedish airline stewardess, some rumors true.
Tube: Sat in Homeless Woman’s Pee.
Two thumbs, one hand, unforgettable handshake
I fell into the Ligurian Sea.
Afraid to fly, stuck at home.
Got sun poisoning on my honeymoon.
Jewish girl celebrates Hindu holiday, London
Sat naked with strangers in Finland.
Mont Blanc September, spooked by wolves…
Vegetarian nightmare. Spain is con jamon.
Scottish food. Don’t need more words.
New Kazakhstan. I need a visa??
Toledo plaque: Jew-free since 1492
Walked off map, not Bogie’s Casablanca
Argumentative driver returns me to cabstand
he threw up the monkey’s brains
But.. European water should be safe
we now appreciate a toilet seat
it all looks better in retrospect
The IRA mortared the Heathrow runway
military jets over the redneck riviera
Taft, California oh why God why?
St George Utah poor man’s Sedona
Gallup New Mexico Saturday Flea Market
During our trip divorce became imminent
Wrong travel companions very big deal!
Bear’s hot breath-pee stained tent.
Good on paper-disaster in reality.
Didn’t drink water - got sick anyway!
Snow in September? Who would guess…
Shorts not good in the snow.
Camping sucks! Hard ground, ubiquitous dirt.
Can’t pronounce it? Don’t eat it.
Important advice, ignored: Last. Train.
What do you mean, cash only?
Sometimes ’speaking the language’ is overrated.
Strip searches: more common than advertised.
Drunken men. Skirt. Train. Winning combo.
Warning! Don’t travel with my sister-in-law
Lapped by old-lady hiker. Twice.
Two months: Europe. Nine months: souvenir.
The airline lost the elephant’s trunk.
(classic John Prine line from 6-word story song title:
“Sabu Visits the Twin Cities Alone”)
Post-Costa Rica, never saw him again.
Two weeks was not long enough.
Got pictures to prove the memories!
Blood on coffee table. Death hotel?
Spent Cancun honeymoon tethered to toilet…
Florida’s drought ended while vacationing there!
Hair dryer caused Prague hotel’s blackout!
Too many spiders - checked out early!
Standby produced zip; broke hostess gift.
Vienna Like Time Traveling to 1939
Travel companion drama queen. Friendship over.
A honeymoon in London completely alone.
Seventeen: Kissed Canadian stranger in London.
Star gazed at the Big Moon
Montana is broke back heart-break!
she looks so peaceful in valley
Camping near ocean, still no waves.
Loved the sight of children playing!
Sleep on the floor; who cares?
Curvy roads never fail; nausea, vomiting.
Scotland is just a bagpipe dream.
Coach middle seat: Buenos Aires to Miami.
Coach middle seat: Seoul to Sydney
African child beholds great white Arctic
This was not in the brochure.
Two-week double-date with parents, bad idea.
Grandma was right about the water.
Cuy ruined ruins, Peruvian memories: Vomit.
Under Armour, not for the hirsute.
I think it’s haunted, she said.
Mexico’s gift… purge simultaniously both ends.
Lost weight due to exchange rate.
Leningrad restaurant. Served a three-legged chicken.
Campos. Ghetto. Traghetti. Torcello. Keep returning.
Canadian police thought tic-tacs were drugs.
Bedbugs, rive gauche hotel, Paris.
(Revision) Bedbugs from rive gauche hotel, Paris
austria: hills not alive with music
Off train; train left without me!
I found my kidnapped daughter…in Tennessee.
Successful meetings, homemade Mallomars. Thanks, NYC.
Bled on hotel sheets. Tipped big.
Cabdriver in grip of satan or cocaine.
Guggenheim, egg rolls gave trip depth.
Pumped gas, paid for hose. Reckless!
Not an Ugly American to everyone
Locked, penniless; Paid toilet in Amsterdam.
Face Down, Drain Ditch, in Togo
Paradise found. Stress lost. Harmony restored.
Bribed by Gambian Frank Sinatra Wannabe
Nothing to Declare, sir. I swear.
Body on beach wrecked our day
9 year old viewed hotel’s porn.
Skipped the tour, ventured forth alone.
Cockroaches and peeing outside, happy 21st!
(in Senegal).
Not speaking. Anniversary getaway didn’t help.
Short London visit, met the Queen!
Our song played throughout Paris…relentless.
China. Journey to create a family.
Conductor yelled at baby’s spilled Cheerios.
Brought what fit in duffel bag.
Rode Greyhound, ate cheese and crackers.
I forgot to “Mind the gap”.
Feels like I’m living “The Terminal”
pulled aside for secondary screening - twice !
I never ran the naked mile.
I know Roman from Gothic arches.
Tried Guinness with blackcurrant in Killarney.
Tucked a rosary into my carry-on.
Odd toilets all over the world
Recorded Tokyo business trip in haiku
Over the pole Newark to Singapore
Walked the Appian Way in Wisteriatime
Shoes got soaked in the Paris rain
Ate raclette in Evolene with friends
Drank many bottles 1966 Corton Charlemagne
Late due to vaporetto direction error
Live octopus for dinner– it sucked!
In India, bad chicken, no bathroom.
That German tree just bit me.
topless in tarifa: ooh la la
white-washed walls where we walked, wondering.
post spanish gypsies, i line eyes.
Tunisian cuisine: French bread, German shepherd.
Bored picking Greek oranges. Climbed mountain.
In Moscow, KGB owned my hotel.
Nescafe and baklava - breakfast of champions.
Salerno, Christmas morning: calamari and firecrackers.
George the dog, friendly Mycenaean guide.
Carthage! Veni, Vidi, Dysentery.
American chameleon: “Don’t shoot, I’m Canadian.”
Know who else liked Muenchner bier?
“Deck Class” ticket: thrifty AND dangerous.
Bier, wine, & Obstler, don’t mix!
We toured and made love world wide.
funny
The Telephone by the Maternity Hospital
Avoid the puke on Moscow Metro
Eight Hours Manila Airport with puppets
15 men 14 seats 24 hours
Avoided RPGs eating MREs Baghdad airport
Santo Domingo bus station - head injury
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Picton. Strange acoustics betrayed shared shower.
Slept in Temple. Robbed. Got dengue.
Christmas alone in Mountain Emergency Shelter
Bagan. Hiking with aspie at 2am.
Partner abandons me near Chechnya’s border
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