Contest: Six Words on “Why You Didn’t Call Back”
Tuesday, April 7th, 2009
We heard many amazing stories while on tour for Six-Word Memoirs on Love & Heartbreak. As we went from bookstore to bookstore meeting six-word memoirists, they shared a lot of love, and even more heartbreak. Yet hope springs eternal, and at Tattered Cover Books in Denver, we met author and dating coach Rachel Greenwald*, who’s on a mission to hook us all up.
To celebrate the release of her new book, Why He Didn’t Call You Back: 1,000 Guys Reveal What They Really Thought About You After Your Date, we’re holding a six-word contest open to guys and dolls alike: Give us six words on why you didn’t call back? Leave your most honest half-dozen words in the comments area of this post and you could win a free dating coach session from Greenwald (which goes for $1,500 on the open market: “Hey,” she says, “it’s life-changing stuff”), along with a copy of her book, and be….unstoppable. Five runners-up win a copy of Why He Didn’t Call You Back. The contest ends on Tuesday, April 14, 5pm EST.
Check out Greenwald’s Facebook page for more information about the book and the many singles events she’s holding as it’s released. Check her out on The Today Show tomorrow, April 8.
* We also met her mother, whose story behind the six words, “What happened to that nice Catholic,” was a true show stopper in Denver’s Tattered Covered Books. Watch this one-minute video, it’s divine.
Naked, she looked like my mother.
1. My wife tore up her number
2. Transatlantic calls are costly. I emailed
3. I did! Mercifully, she didn’t reply
4. Forgot name, lost number - as usual!
Why is my fucking tongue burning?
Scabies! Are you fucking kidding me?
He was afraid to hit me.
Bus accident - No, I’m not lying!
He thought he was the prettiest.
She smelled like old moist bread.
Desperate self-image reflected in the eyes.
Her kid stole my sunlglasses.
he was rude to the waiter
1. You were not worth my time
2. I did! Your spouse threatened death!
3. You were done so I left
4. I don’t date my mistakes.
That booty call only rang once.
1) Because they’re all “technically married” alcoholics
2) He thought he was a robot
3) His tattoos were lamer than mine
Athletic sex. Kissed hard. Dismount tricky.
Couldn’t get a word in.
Porn obsessions: not good lunch topic.
You’ve heard of “Pandora’s Box,” right?
Best not stir up trouble, again.
She has the personality of dust.
She calls, and calls and calls.
He want’s what I can’t give.
incest makes it sound so dirty.
easier to ignore than to acknowledge
He said, “Go play in traffic.”
Didn’t listen to, “Kiss my neck”.
He said, “I’ll pull out.” Didn’t.
She drank, she slurred, not pretty.
A few red flags started flying.
Your cat is not really special.
No, “Pulp Fiction” is not sexy.
Drama, drama, drama, I like comedy.
Cocaine doesn’t pay the bills moron.
Needed money, not more drug addicts.
His wang wasn’t all that impressive.
Like hard workers, not couch potatoes.
Ignored them, before they ignored me.
“Just the tip?” You’re a dip.
Bad teeth equals really bad breath.
He thought nipple clamps were sexy.
He was Republican and loved Styx.
Much less fascinating than you think.
If it’s true love, then guess.
He likes O’Reilly. I voted Obama.
Lived with parents way too long.
Date with anesthesiologist left me snoozing.
Couldn’t be bothered to use tongue.
Me. His ego. Not enough room.
happily ever after is a fairytale
it’s to good to be true
was to good to be true
he’s from venus. I’m from mars
Ruptured last girlfriend’s aneurysm during cunnilingus.
Because you said I had to.
He knew all my sex tricks.
After sex i confessed, “I’m pregnant”
I made him question his religion.
We felt in love after dinner.
She poisoned Mr Lucky, my budgerigar
I said “No.” You didn’t listen.
I don’t want to encourage her.
Telling her directly almost never works.
The dog ate my telephone book.
Some people can’t take a hint.
It was Verizon, I like ATT.
A vacation home in Florida, hah!
How did she get my number?
Rhode Island caller said “im his”.
I’ve got two words: atrocious halitosis.
She only listens when she speaks.
I was drunk. I’m still drunk.
Uh, he’s another guy I’m dating.
You don’t own a phone? Huh…
I typically don’t use smoke signals.
Lost number, forgot name, moved on.
His ex still controlled his life.
Not interested in raising your kid.
His family was a total mess.
Never assume you know me boys.
Talked about sex life with ex-wife.
He liked sexy lingerie–on himself!
Watched the waitress’s ass during dinner.
Tried to hit on my daughter.
Not interested in all your problems.
Religious freaks don’t belong with me.
I met someone else that’s cuter.
Oh My God! Leave Me Alone!
1. My parrot warned repeatedly: “No Fucky”
My parrot warned repeatedly: “Star fucker!”
2. After we met we never parted
3.Would you call a vampire back?
My parrot, Sophocles, chirped : “he sucks”
!!!! Sorry….. should be:
My parrot Sophocles shirped: “She sucks!”
Ok, last really was a typo should read:
My parrot, Sophocles, chirped: “She sucks”
Laughing at him, not with him.
Not particularly impressed by Nazi memorabilia.
Marriage talk, is not marriage action.
You’re right, requires too much explanation.
I caught her screwing my dog.
Visited the same OB/GYN as Octomom.
She caught me screwing her dog.
Told her I was Octomom’s OB/GYN.
She likes whoring, I like marimba.
Nymphomaniacs who read Dworkin are incomprehensible.
Hello Kitty panties, cat urine odor.
She wanted “someone who needs her”.
Too beautiful to be making pornography.
Husband in Spain, lover in Sardinia.
Can’t get off without being hit.
Two children, two fathers, triple-play?
Casual sex isn’t worth the flight.
He got my best girlfriend pregnant.
Thought he could get laid elsewhere.
Told him my vibrator is better.
Cried for his mommy during sex.
Then he took his teeth out.
Then his upper denture fell out.
His chapped hands were like sandpaper.
Me small. He big. Didn’t fit.
He reads tabloids. I read classics.
“You smell like my mother.”
What?
He wore his socks to bed.
Asked for money for dental work.
Approached me for wedding gift threesome.
Offered literature on inferiority of Jews.
Alistair Crowley is not a philosopher.
Wasn’t attracted, got tired of pretending.
Nice girl, friends are all slags.
I worked days, she worked nights.
Suffocated by undesirable women, no time.
Married lawyer boyfriend, clairol pubic hair.
I’m tired, gonna have a nap…
She didn’t say no to drugs.
Lonely at home,this is real!!!
Explosive sex. Meanwhile: father vandalizes car.
Only started calling after single motherhood.
Kept calling me Micheal (her ex).
Saw her in a 1-900 ad.
Her brother’s screenplay mischaracterized her friends.
Great person, not into guys, sorry.
Drunkenly asserts “could still have” me.
Third date, meeting friends: topless bar.
My sense of adventure wore out.
Sincerely believes I’m involved in espionage.
She keeps pushing new age religion.
Saw her bookshelf, J.K. Rowling.
Using me to get to ex.
Lies more convincing than the truth.
Keeps asking about my rich friends.
Only likes what advances her socially.
He thought I was the one.
Biological clock, pursued as without options.
She was sleeping with teenage girls.
Looked 25, acted 17, was 17.
Used recreational drugs like a careerist.
Co-opted past loves to appeal more.
She moved to Chicago, both busy.
Aggresses as if I’m attacking her.
One’s an option, one’s a priority.
Ingratiating oneself to my family: goodbye!
He just didn’t give me butterflies.
His skin flaked like grated cheese!
I’d rather talk to my cat.
Knew he was gay–he didn’t!
My heart told me not to.
Couldn’t untie his mother’s apron strings.
Found new god for every man.
Allowed her friend to be murdered.
Bathtub meth, no business for ladies.
Made a life to own another.
Met some people who aren’t awful.
Lipstick-blotted tissue in garbage wasn’t mine.
Inspired me… to find someone better.
Yeast infection on face was clue.
Referred to eco-terrorism as “direct action”.
College on Ritalin, graduated to cocaine.
I would, but feds would call.
Couldn’t file jointly, “other, unspecified income”
Didn’t know the prison phone number.
Being polite got much too challenging.
Organized dirty tricks for Hillary PAC.
Was a dirty trick often herself.
It would just break my heart.
Can’t introduce her to my friends.
Can’t bring her to work functions.
Can’t bring her to church either.
She’ll call back when it’s sorted.
[...] got intense in the comment section of our six words on “Why You Didn’t Call Back” contest, held to celebrate the release of Rachel Greenwald’s new book, Why He Didn’t Call You [...]
Number was scrawled where I sweat.
Bought inflatable woman, she’s much quieter.
I did not like his aftershave.
He bit his nails and spat.
He laughed when I ordered Perrier.
He was not a perfect gentleman.
He did not like to swim.
He smoked and had dirty fingernails.
He said he forgot his wallet.
great looks, no job, smokes cigarettes
She didn’t explain the prostitution situation
Lovely girl, very smart, very tortured.
“what if I’d committed a crime?”
Seriously - someone needs to help sort that girl out, it’s a tragedy that I loved her as much as I did.