Bad aunt or bad mom... tough.
Backstory
I love those kids more than I can say. But they are always sick. They're always sick because they're rarely dressed properly for the weather, they aren't bathed frequently enough, they haven't learned basic hygiene, like washing hands *with soap* after using the bathroom. My sister off-handedly remarked once that she's only washed their towels maybe three times, ever. Once, when they were here, Nathaniel couldn't take it anymore. He took my niece to the bathroom and scrubbed her face - and she kept crying "I don't want to use soap." The water was grey.It's this constantly awkward thing with us - I love my sister, too, but I feel so tense about letting her kids touch my son or his toys. How do I tell them they can't play with his things because they're too dirty? A few weeks after Christmas, we burned their Christmas tree on the grill outside, piece by piece. Their two-year-old was walking around with no shoes and no jacket. In January. Two days later, everyone was sick, including my son.
Tonight, the girls are sleeping over. The younger announces she feels like she has boogies, but they won't come out. The older says she thinks she has a fever.
I don't want to humiliate my sister, I don't want to make the girls feel alienated. I don't want to parent someone else's children, either, or tell them how they should do things. But I don't know want my son to get sick because they're dirty.
I really don't know how to handle this one.
by Wench in Six-Word Memoirs on Feb 12, 2013 | 
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T-shirt
Comments
lillybrook says,
Care is care -- you can care for them without shaming them. Run a bath and let them use a special loofa or put measuring cups in the water if they are staying with you. It they are running around with a coat, you can wrap one around shoulders, zip and kiss, and they'll be warm, not embarrassed.If your sister takes offense, don't say what she's doing is wrong, just say you were showing them you care. She can't argue with that.
It sounds really hard, and you can't change all of it, but maybe a few little things will make a difference.
TheUnknownComic says,
This is easy; have your mother talked to her (she says the mean remarks not you).Steve__Anthony says,
Wench - it's a no-win. --- Been there.I just try to love everyone in my family for everything they are and for everything they are not. Good Luck.
Wench says,
In December, my sister took the girls to see The Nutcracker ballet. We got a parking spot about ten blocks away and I told her to take the baby and run ahead to get the tickets, since they were first-come first-serve, and that I'd catch up with the two older girls. Only one of them had a jacket. So I gave the other mine - she was freezing and shivering. So I was walking down the street in a sleeveless shirt in December and when we caught up with my sister, someone mistook me for the mother and said I had done a good thing by giving my niece my jacket. My sister was in a bad mood the rest of the day and I felt terrible. I couldn't let my niece be cold, even though I got a fever after that. I didn't want to embarrass my sister but I also couldn't begin to understand why my niece didn't have a coat in the middle of December.lillybrook, that might be easier if we had our own place and the kids were coming by themselves to visit, but more often, we are at their house, or they're here at my parents, and usually with my sister and her husband. I can't really tell them to hop in the tub without offending my sister. =\ The best I seem to be able to do is keep a close eye on them and make sure they don't put their hands near his mouth or eyes and to keep him and his toys as clean as possible regularly.
Believe says,
They are girls. Make them fall in love with soap. Make it with them. Buy it with glitter. Shape it into butterflies. Make it seasonally.Bathing, for little ones, should be fun. Complete with bath crayons. And bubbles. And glitter. And towels straight from the dryer.
lillybrook says,
Believe - that's a good idea. And Wench, great point -- I was thinking that the kids were staying without their parents. Good luck; this is difficult. And, frankly, I'm surprised your mom hasn't said something (many times over).