Wanted more; desensitized, subtle indulgance deluded.
Backstory
It would've been an obvious warning if someone had told me that many, many people have ruined their souls by lust - lust, by my interpretation, could mean extremes in desiring love or sexual connection. It makes sense - sex is one of the most well-known, personally affirming and bonding, and simultaneously stimulating and relaxing experiences performed.. and it's necessary for the continuation of the species.It is also very vulnerable for these same reasons – reproduction, arousal, etc. - and can easily become perverted. Naturally, growing "exponentially," our society and world faces many possibilities for corruption and pollution - both so detrimental to precious futures.
In retrospect, from some of the fantasies I wished I had been further encouraged to avoid, from longing and intimidating social and sexual fantasies, I have learned quite a bit about my own fractured personal identity that was not worth knowing except to understand the extent of my own sensitivities and diversions. I have also fostered quite a bit of sorrow for a society where a young boy can easily convince a young girl that it's "good to practice before marriage." (I kid you not. These are the words I remember.) Yeah. I sobbed, even as a child, when I learned what fornication was. Too bad no one personally told me that dreaming about it makes you a pervert, too. Waiting for the right time would’ve been a lot better than building seemingly indestructible and hidden barriers to genuine social needs.
I just want to write it: I'd rather be a true soldier than one morally rebellious, a lover than a fucker, and a wife than a girlfriend - I'd rather know that the person I could have a child with would be willing to literally build a life with me in a supportive setting, and isn't just looking for short term satisfaction to possibly ([..from my second-hand experience, probably..]) end in heart break. I'd rather passionately make love to someone who's worth learning from and growing old together with than lose my virginity to someone I could, naively, not expect to be gone within a few minutes or months, simply because I feel left out knowing many people, I've heard, have had at least three partners. But hey, patterns happen. I'd rather not be confused when it comes to sexuality, but educated at the proper time about the morals, benefits, and, for the
by Passerby in Six-Word Memoirs on Jan 30, 2013 | 
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Comments
Passerby says,
- honeymoon(;)), tricks. And drawbacks and risks, emotionally and physically. And spiritually, if you believe in predestination.Every life has an environment that it is united in, is grown by, and will travel through - even if it only experiences a short conception that only travels as a cell for a brief time. Studies I have read about found that the longer the courtship lasts, the stronger the long-term bond ;D I like to think of falling in love, waiting to have sex, and finally deciding to have a child as a good exercise to foster the natural parental instincts.
And, considering everything, I don't even want to have children. Still, I find it beautiful that life goes on, for now!:D (..sorry for drawing this out x/)
canadafreeze says,
My heart breaks for you right now - there is such sorry in your story. May you find the other side of your coin, for surely it exists. Many hugs...Passerby says,
Don't worry about me - I shouldn't complain! I'm learning to catch myself before acting stupid, and whatever enlightens my dim mind delights me :) The way I see it, I'm learning what a balance a romantic (really, any one-on-one) relationship requires.I was warned about how boys can divert from school, beneficial relationships, morals, and religion.. I described these drawn-out musings to give an impression of how intensely lust has affected me - and I'm a virgin.. I think I unknowingly allowed my attachments to other people to drive me kind of crazy. But it's not a bad experience now :) I'm just hoping some could learn or appreciate. Thanks! :)