It's so hard to accept that this is who he is now. And to know that this is coupled with the guilt that we'll really never be sure if drugs did this or if he was sick all along and we didn't pay close enough attention to see the signs. Last summer broke my heart. I thought things seemed a little better when he started taking medicine but now... Is he off his meds or are they just not working anymore? Is it going to be like this forever? Where is my beautiful, talented brother? Last summer when he finally slept after days, because of the medicine, in a room in a mental hospital, my mom and I played with his hair and gave him a foot rub - his poor feet that he'd been walking around the city, barefoot on, and I wanted to cry because finally resting, he looked so peaceful.