Crying, unsure of who owns tears.
BackstoryIt seems like I cry a lot these days. Today I'm not sure if I'm crying for my mom's friend, Eleanor, who she takes care of, or if I'm crying for myself. Eleanor was put in hospice a few weeks ago. The other day she became significantly worse and the nurses have determined that she's dying. I'm afraid for my mother because I don't want this to remind her of when my mommom died. The situation was very similar. My mother says she's fine but there are very few people who actually tell the truth when they say they're "fine".
Next weekend I go home for spring break. My sister and I very different in terms of how often we go home. She wanted to go home this weekend. Her text read, "Poor Eleanor is dying, Moms legs really hurt her, & I cant come home this weekend. This SUCKS." Victoria only texts me when she's really upset and usually doesn't text me more than funny pictures. I'm so worried because I know this is making her very upset.
I sent back, "I know it's sad but it's more merciful. Eleanor lived a life of quality filled with good times and people who loved her lots. Mom and her are lucky to have each other. Mom is strong enough to deal with this and help the other girls cope with it. Mom is also blessed to have us and mims. As a collective we are string and independent. However we hold the other up and help each other. Mom is string and we'll see her next week. We can hug her and make sure there's coffee in the pot. Be quiet in our own endeavors and comfort her. It'll be okay. It sounds like bullshit now but things work out. I know I don't believe in god but if heaven is real, Eleanor and mommom will be good friends. I love you, please don't be sad. Things will be fine, I promise. If not now, then soon."
Now I'm crying. I have to write an essay and finish a midterm. Damn it.