Why am I praying? No beliefs.
Backstory
When I moved out I walked away from everything involving god, faith, religion and tuned out whenever the topic came up. So why, now that I'm facing my future disabled am I praying and looking for something to believe in? I've had this disease since I was 9, and never has it been a topic of needing faith, I just always laughed and turned away when someone said they'd pray for me about it.I'm just so scared and getting more and more discouraged every day.
by BecomingLogyn in Six-Word Memoirs on Feb 23, 2013 | 
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Comments
KharisJo says,
why not pray? at the moment I'm doing a church study series called When God;s people pray by Jim Cymbala of the Brooklyn Tabernacle church in New York- part one is on youtube and there are great testimonies. Prayer is a powerful thing. At the very least prayer is a good way of articulating the way you feel and expressing hurt and pain inside. I hope you find peace and health Calli and keep writing your evocative memoirs. Hugs.BecomingLogyn says,
I was raised with the expectation that I was to believe in god and attend church twice a week and not question it or argue any point of it. The church that I was required to go to was led by people with the belief that being lgbt is wrong and that anyone who is will go to hell. also with the belief that mental illness and depression are acts and I was told that since my injuries weren't visible they were obviously fake and since I wasn't getting better I just needed to pray harder.So I'm really reserved about even considering going back to a church or even trying to believe in a god anymore.
Thank you though, I'll think about looking that up.
canadafreeze says,
I agree with KharisJo. Prayer is a cathartic way of expressing yourself. You hear them, and I believe we are all part of a greater force. Your writing is exceptional. Keep it up. {{}}.three-monkeys says,
This one hits close to my heart. I, like you, was force-fed religion in a strange church environment and had a falling out long ago with God because of it. It wasn't until my son, at 5 years old, started having serious anxiety about death and his parents' death that I started remembering the safety I used to feel at night, when I was a child who said her prayers with her eyes squeezed shut in the dark. I believed that God really heard me and that he would keep away all the things I was afraid of. Today, I still don't attend any church and I don't believe that I ever will; nor will I see the need for my kids to go. Through my son, we have all discovered a relationship with God, but a God that doesn't make any dictates about what we should do on a Sunday nor does He persecute or judge. He is just a supportive presence and an Otherness in the Universe, helping us to feel loved and secure and safe. So I don't think there is anything at all wrong with your prayers - I think they speak to what your heart's beliefs are. That someone cares. Someone's listening. Someone's pulling for you. And sometimes that's all you need. Good luck to you!bohemdeb says,
You do not need a God to pray. The universe is enough. Try meditation. Don't judge your thoughts. Hear them and let them go. I'm not sure why I felt the need to say that, but I did. Peace,Deb
bohemdeb says,
And, heironimo, yes! I read other comments after writing, but you said it so eloquently.