Responsibility hit hard, so did fear.
Backstory
On December 18th, my cousin was murdered by her husband, she left behind a baby girl, Gabrielle who is only 20 months old. When Gabrielle was born my aunt was assigned her godmother but she said she wanted more than 2 people to raise her and be there for her is she were to ever be gone, I was the next person she asked to be a part of that team.She's now gone and I'm being asked to step up and help with raising this little girl.
I'm terrified but I won't go back on what I said I would do if anything ever happened.
by BecomingLogyn in Six-Word Memoirs on Jan 05, 2013 | 
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Comments
catsmeow says,
There will be great joy and many rewards along with the responsibility.BecomingLogyn says,
Yeah, I guess so but it's still a lot to handle. I've fought my entire life so I would never go back on my word of never having kids, then I get handed one. I love her dearly, I just wish I wasn't 18.Believe says,
You've written on depth of family issues that you have had. Is there anyone non-family that could provide some support?Wench says,
This is a big responsibility you've been handed and it's ok to ask for help. You are very brave.BecomingLogyn says,
Believe: my aunt is the one that's sharing custody with my because I'm still in school so that's some help, but other than that it hasn't really been brought up around anyone outside of family because I just learned about this after the funeral.Wench: Thank you! I'm trying, on the days that I have her to make sure other people are here to help me and show me what i'm supposed to do.
Wench says,
Also, I should have said this in the first place, I am so sorry for the loss of your cousin and the sadness that must surround these circumstances for you. It's an awful lot to ask of someone so young and it's commendable that you're stepping up to it. I don't doubt that you will do a great job.Please don't lose sight of your own hopes, dreams and goals and make room for those things. A child brings a lot of love, but a lot of hard work and responsibility, too, and it's just so, so much to ask a young person to take on, especially under these circumstances. You have the right to think about yourself, it's important and healthy for you to do that.
BecomingLogyn says,
Thanks, I'm still kinda trying to figure out why she decided to trust me of all people, but I know she must have had her reasons other than the fact that I'm the oldest.I'm done with public school in a little over 2 weeks then I start online school and can start working on getting a job and once I finally get done with high school in general I can start working on nursing degrees and whatever goes along with that.
Believe says,
Maybe, Logyn, your cousin saw the bigger picture. The "you" that is a fighter. The "you" that allows for self expression. That is something that parents want for their children. They want to know that someone will stand up for them while they struggle to find themselves. Maybe she saw what you have gone through and knew that you could be her baby's advocate. A principal of a school once told me "You are your child's best advocate." Be that baby's advocate. But unfortunately being an advocate for a child usually means stepping away from you own wants, desires, needs and seeing only what is best for the child. Which is insanely hard to do as an adult. Which is why you need to find someone kind and caring to help you along the way. It takes a village. Really.BecomingLogyn says,
When she was born my cousin explained to us (my aunt, her husband, my brother and me) that she wanted more than just 2 people to raise her and that she wanted her to raised around people that she knew would have an open mind and go to the ends of the earth to protect her.