Fostered, adopted, abandoned, still running back.
Backstory
When I was 4 I was put into foster care because my mom was deemed unable to take care of my brothers and me and we had no other relatives that they could find.At 10 my aunt took us in and adopted us a short time later.
At 14 she kicked me out and I was sent to live with my grandma and thus became a ward of the state again, until recently.
Throughout all of this though, I keep running back to my biological mom in hopes that she'll take me back and be a mom for me, but she just keeps walking away.
by BecomingLogyn in Six-Word Momoirs on Dec 12, 2012 | 
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Comments
Sagacious says,
This one's in need of a backstory. Can you fill us in?BecomingLogyn says,
DoneAnd I was just think of doing that so good timing!
InTheMoment says,
Indeed. Born" is always the missing link.CompensationQueen says,
The hold of a biological parent is so strong. I pray that your soul will heal. No child should have this much insecurity in their life.BecomingLogyn says,
Thank you, I fortunately have my dad to fall back on for now while I'm trying to mend fences with my mom but I keep being told to give up.lillybrook says,
I hope you can find a way to build a healthy relationship, but if you discover that can't happen, I hope you'll let go. Family transcends biology. Good luck.ba_miracle says,
I ran away back to my mother several times after foster care. It was very difficult to understand when I was a girl why she didn't love me, why she was paranoid of everything and in some strange way I was concerned for "her" safety...which is a true irony, considering how much physical damage she was willing/able to inflict on me.It didn’t stop me from feeling very connected to her and yearning for a relationship that was impossible to have. It took me years….maybe into my 30’s (I’m a slow learner;-)
There is an author/radio personality that I read and listened to, Dr. Laura.
Many of her view points are very conservative but I enjoyed her immensely on relationship issues.
She says you have two chances for a good parent child relationship…
One when you are a child and one when you are a parent.
I can say all the words and phrases which are true but difficult to believe until you come to your own realization that they are truth...
Your mother's limited ability to properly mother you wasn't a reflection on you. You are not so "unlovable" that she was unable to do it. SHE had a limitation in skill. I hope you know that someday.
My mother loved me and did the best she could. Later in life I would fail in some of my own ways as a parent but in the end did the best I could.
I’m not going to tell you not to go back but I wish you would keep a healthy distance, especially since you have a little one who is now looking so closely up to you.
BecomingLogyn says,
I don't think I'll ever understand why my mom did what she did to us but it doesn't keep me from wanting to know. I know that I'm going to get hurt if I keep chasing after her and trying to force her to be my mom or even just be around.I've kinda decided to just back off and not call her and let her decide when we talk, if at all, I know it's gonna suck because I fought for so long to find her and now it has to be up to her.
ba_miracle says,
Just hugging you Logyn. Wish this was so much simpler for you. I just feel like you are going to figure this out...even if it takes longer than you'd like.You may be able to give her understanding someday and find perspective that make sense for you....just hang on til then.