Six Word Memoirs on Life Stories

lillybrook says,

This is something I've been struggling with lately, too. But forgiveness suggests impact -- a need to process, regardless of intent.

As a child, I was taught the 7x70 parable from the Bible, which implies three steps to forgiveness: (1) the person who feels wronged articulates their reasons in an instructive (not accusing) way. (2) the other party listens, explores, understands, and offers apology and remuneration (if possible). (3) the wronged party forgives and lets go so both parties can move forward without anger and resentment.

As an adult, I learned mediation, where the process is similar, but with more steps: (1) each party takes turns articulating his/her perspective in an "I feel"-centered way (not a "you did" way). (2) alternately, each party listens and repeats what they heard. (3) together, the parties brainstorm suggestions for how best to move forward and -- if possible -- an issue is settled.

It's not about intent and I KNOW it isn't easy. It's about moving forward. It is my hope that we make the best decisions we can with the tools and information we have, and as we learn we make the best decisions we can with the new tools and information we have. It sounds like you've been given a new piece of information. Doesn't mean your old decision was intentionally hurtful -- just that you've been informed that some healing might need to happen for someone else because of how it impacted them.

Sorry if that sounds preachy. It's not meant to be. Good luck, Sagacious.