Six Word Memoirs on Life Stories

Wench says,

My husband has all of my passwords. I have all of his.

accidentaltourist says,

I wasn't necessarily thinking of married couples. Although my own sense of preserving my privacy forbids me from sharing any passwords with ANYONE, I suppose there are many couples who do it. I'm talking about the "he's my boyfriend, we've dated 2 months and are in LOVE, so we shared all our passwords....only now we broke up and he's putting nasty things on my facebook page" situations.

marymc says,

I don't have hubby's computer passwords, but I do have the one for his debit card.

Dragonflower says,

You have two questions; one in the backstory. Yes, I think it is rather foolsh to share passwords with people you have just met. But what a declaration of love that is. Until you aren't in love anymore. I barely trust myself with my own passwords. I doubt I would ever share them with anyone.

maryjane31 says,

No, I don't.

maryjane31 says,

I mean I don't share, however I believe it is dumb to share them with a boyfriend who you are not married to. Keep them private.

accidentaltourist says,

But is it a declaration of love? That was kind of my point. It seems to me that it's more of a "here, I have nothing to hide, let me prove it." And if you are in a place where you think you have to prove you aren't hiding something....well, that says something else.

ctgoods2 says,

never occurred to me

Wench says,

I've never thought of it as a way to prove that I have nothing to hide, but then, I don't think there's really anything wrong with that. I had an ex whose phone I checked constantly. Why? Because I caught him texting two different ex-girlfriends multiple times to say how much fun he'd had hanging out with them on nights when he said he wasn't feeling well. I went through the files on his computer occasionally, too. Why? Because I found topless pictures that his ex had sent to him. Why I didn't break up with him and leave is another story entirely (actually I did break up with him, three times. Blah), but I had good cause to check.

I have all of my husband's passwords and he has all of mine and we both know about the websites we go to and who we talk with and what we talk about, but I don't feel the need to go through his stuff and he doesn't feel the need to go through mine, because we trust each other.

Wench says,

On the other side of this, at least in more long-term relationships, do people feel like they're proving how much trust they have for each other by *not* sharing passwords? It does seem strange to me in a committed relationship that two people wouldn't have access to each other's passwords, etc. I've got a journal that I write in periodically. Nathaniel is not invited to read it. He knows that. I don't hide it or lock it up, he just doesn't read it. No big deal.

MsKillie says,

My boyfriend and I know some of each other's passwords- he uses my laptop a lot and whoever is driving gets the ATM duties. We've been together for years and share everything so I've never worried about it. I agree Wench- journals are always off limits!

Dragonflower says,

AT, When I said it was a declaration of love, I was being a little facetious - like its a way to "prove" how much you love and trust someone, so you're correct in your respone/query. I know an almost 20 year old who doesn't think twice about sharing all kinds of info with her friends. Her dad warns her, but she doesn't see the big deal. Then when her friends change, she's all upset about what they done with her info.

And I was probably was thinking really old school. I remember the first time a boyfriend gave me the key to his place, and vice versa; that felt like a huge declaration of love AND trust. I'm a really private person, so it means a great deal to me to share anything with anyone.

When we exchanged the keys (similar to giving passwords), we did it for ease and not to show we had nothing to hide. Same would be for passwords if you shared accounts, etc. I would think. But, again, I wouldn't do this unless I knew someone for a while and felt trustful; not with someone I just met. I still believe that is foolish and unwise in almost any circumstance.

The truth is, I haven't been in a relationship since we've gone technological. When I was married, we were barely getting ATMs, so I can't speak to the password thing through personal experience. After all this time on my own, I'd probably be one of those "odd" couples who don't share them and keep separate financial accounts! From all the other comments hers, I probably shouldn't have even responded, since I have no experience in password sharing other than common sense.

jl333 says,

Three-monkeys password is...password

accidentaltourist says,

Autumn, opinions were sought, and you are entitled to yours. :) I welcome your responses...truly. Have no fear.

I did not really explain the situation as fully as I could have. It seemed odd to me that both parties would tell a judge "I gave him/her my passwords, to prove I wasn't doing anything wrong." I just don't see why anyone would be in a relationship where they felt that was necessary. If you find yourself looking to catch your mate via texts, phone calls, emails...well, maybe you should rethink your choice of mate. I have a huge problem with spying....it never brings about anything good.

ATMs and such for couples who share finances is different.

ba_miracle says,

I vouch for accidentaltourists open hearted policy when considering others opinions Autumn22.

My someday-to-be-ex-husband and I shared access to everything except the business profile on my computer. Mainly because I had access/a responsibility to protect other peoples sensitive information.

If you're in a relationship and you're snooping on each other, it's not a good sign (at least to me). It would signal an end in a casual relationship.

Would I give my passwords to someone as a "show" of trust? No.

The last man I dated had access/password to my laptop and I sort of chided myself because I had been sleeping with him freely but allowing him access to my computer somehow felt too personal?

But I'm a quirky gal ;-).

Wench says,

I have a problem with spying as well. Just slightly less of a problem than I do with cheating. Clearly not a relationship that was meant to last.

Wench says,

Getting back on topic, if you truly have nothing to hide and you truly have an open, trusting relationship, then whether you share passwords or not is entirely up to the couple on a case-by-case basis. It says nothing of the relationship's 'status', it doesn't prove or disprove anything, it just is what it is. Maybe that's why I've never really given it any thought.

accidentaltourist says,

I mean no judgment on anyone here....truly. We each make our own life choices, in ways that work for us. I guess I feel like, even in the most open of relationships, there have to be boundaries around some things. I don't believe in answering another's cell phone either. I'm quirky like that. If I call someone's cell, it's because I want to talk to THAT person. If they can't answer, I can leave them a voicemail. I don't expect to have to explain my reason for calling to another person.

lillybrook says,

I don't share passwords, but I require my children to share their passwords with social media with me. I trust them, but I don't trust everyone that might message or try to friend them, you know?

Dragonflower says,

I have no doubt as to the open heartedness of AT. My apologies if my comment seemed to indicate otherwise, ba_miracle, but thank you for the reassurance. I simply realized, after reading the other comments, that I haven't been in a real relationship since the internet was born. It was an eyeopener for me to think that I've never had to deal with the sharing of password scenario in my own life. I truly don't know how I would handle it now, after being alone so long. I truly don't. And that's why I said I probably shouldn't have even commented.

ba_miracle says,

The people you saw on that show were likely acting in "all kinds of dumb" ways.

I thought about this recently in regards to my new phone. Someone having access to it would have access to a lot of my information. I'd almost rather hand over my wallet.

In regards to living with someone, I'd expect to be able to leave anything out and not have to worry...My journal or the drawer with "grannie panties" and "ugly bras"? Snooping would totally get him what he "deserved" ;-).

These days we may have a "sense" of privacy but access to our information is fairly easy

unknown116 says,

My ex gave me his facebook password, but he wouldn't allow me to look at his phone. The only times he would give me his phone was after he deleted everything. He had cheated on me multiple times and although I never asked for his facebook password, he wanted me to have it. It may have been him saying "I have nothing to hide", but if that were the case why wouldn't he let me see his phone? It's an all or nothing sort of deal I guess. If you are going to let the person you care about see one thing and not another, it makes you look more suspicious than if you just kept all of your passwords to yourself.
But for me, I have never given any of my ex's my passwords to anything.