Divorced and happy or miserably married?
Backstory
My parents have been married 28 years. They've been in love for none of that. Out of a twisted sense of religious/moral obligation, they stay together - their perception of God as one who cares more about the way they appear than the way their hearts are (ironic, since they say my church is the one with too many rules, but I digress).My husband's parents were divorced when he was three and his mom has since remarried. She and her husband have their difficulties but are a considerably better-matched couple and her ex-husband is very happily single.
What is worse - the guilt and feeling of failure when you finally admit that the relationship is over, or growing old not loving and not being loved, because you feel like it's what's required of you?
by Wench in Six Words Questions on Dec 03, 2012 | 
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Comments
jl333 says,
Neither. Thank God.Wench says,
When I think about my parents getting older and having no one in their life to tell them how happy they are to be getting old along with them, that they are beautiful, wonderful, incredible people, it breaks my heart. I know that if they were to finally say they were getting divorced, it would be hard for everyone, but we would all get over it. And it would be worth it for my mom to find someone who thinks she is just the most gorgeous woman on the planet. I think it would go a long way toward brightening her countenance.Dragonflower says,
Wench, your comment, rather than the backstory, reminded me of a someone I once knew. He was married to his wife for a long time and they weren't the most loving couple, but they seemed stable and he seemed relatively happy. I learned he got divorced after they'd been married 30 years. I don't know this for sure, but I imagine they waited until the kids grew up. Then he met someone new and I saw pictures of them together and I had never seen him look so happy. Really truly happy and in the pictures they are leaning towards each other, instead of away. It made me so happy to see that. They were together for fifteen years before he passed away. I remember thinking how happy it made me that he found true, true love for at least part of his life. He deserved that. I think that's what you're talking about for your mom. I know my daughter would like that for me--that I find someone who thinks I am just incredible. I'm pretty happy being single, and have been for quite a while. I always felt divorcing her father was the best thing I could have done to avoid a life of married loneliness. People in my church disagreed and felt I didn't try hard enough. Only I could know how hard I tried. In my own opinion, loneliness while living with someone is far, far worse than any loneliness you might feel while on your own. But, again, that's just my opinion. Everyone is different. It could be your parents have made peace with their lives as they are. I saw a really good movie this summer about this topic. I saw it 4 times. Hope Springs, with Meryl Street and Tommy Lee Jones. I cried big tears each time I saw it. I'm waiting for it to come out on dvd, because I'd watch it again. Art imitating life, in my case.MsKillie says,
I can't imagine staying married to someone that I'm not in love with!I'm divorced and very happy :) Luckily, we didn't have any kids together... that would have been horrendous on so many levels! Going through all that helped me reevaluate what I wanted out of a partner and put me on the path to find a good man for me. I do have a good friend who is staying married for his kid's sake. He isn't in love, but he loves his kids. I'm pretty sure it will only last until the kids move out.