Six Word Memoirs on Life Stories

Wench says,

I think it's a little strange to nurse your child when they're old enough to have detailed memories of it - not just because of the memories but because by that point they are perfectly capable of maintaining a healthy, balanced diet with 'normal' foods. Particularly for boys, who naturally begin to develop curiosity about women, as a mom I'd be uncomfortable with my son's most familiar reference point to be my own breasts. I am a breastfeeding mom and I get so annoyed with people who treat me like I'm doing something perverse by nursing my son where and when he's hungry, but he's six months old. I know there's research to back up the health benefits of nursing for a few years but I plan to be done around a year and generally feel a little weird about people who nurse their kids past, I don't know, two or three. I wouldn't tell someone they shouldn't, it's just a little strange to me.

maryjane31 says,

There is something inappropriate about that picture. When I first saw it that was my first thought. I'm sure there are many who would disagree with me, but that is my opinion. That child is way too old to be breast-feeding.

MsKillie says,

I agree Wench, around a year is perfectly normal. Once the child should start eating more solid foods, it's time to put the boobs away.

accidentaltourist says,

Thanks for commenting, especially as someone "in the trenches" so to speak. I am a firm believer in breastfeeding, but my position has always been that every baby is different, and every parenting situation is different. I nursed four, and never set a goal for weaning...it just happened naturally as they moved from baby to toddler and their interest in grown-up food grew. The youngest was 8 months at weaning, the oldest was three years. I am not sure that the one who was three has actual memories of it, but she's well aware, and as an adult she's a very vocal advocate of nursing herself. You will make the decision that is right for you and your son when the time comes, because you're his mom. :)

accidentaltourist says,

The interesting thing about the picture is, the article itself concerns "attachment parenting"...basically being ultra connected to your child, and the perception is that it's an unnatural connection personified by nursing too long, sharing a bed, etc.

Wench says,

I had the honor on Valentine's Day of photographing the birth of my friend's eleventh child. They do attachment parenting. Their three youngest sleep in bed with them (actually the oldest of those three has a little bed next to theirs). It isn't what we've been doing with our son, but I've got to say, they have eleven very well behaved, normal, happy kids.

accidentaltourist says,

All I can say is, my babies slept with me "as needed"....and it didn't stop me from having another one (which is what some people say...no sex life with a baby in the bed), nor did it continue forever. I can safely say that all of my children sleep in their own beds now. If they aren't alone, at least they are not with me. ;)

Dean6805 says,

I think she's neither a heroine nor a villian, but I think she's misguided. Moreover, I think the media are misguided for putting such an issue in the spotlight when the world -and our nation in particular- has so many other problems that are much more urgent.

accidentaltourist says,

Exactly, Dean. The media blitz is focused on the picture, and nursing mothers, despite the fact that the article itself is about a parenting style. Good call. :)

Believe says,

The picture is a sensationalized version of nursing. Nursing mothers are just providing proper nutrition for their children, albeit some take something natural and make it extreme. Then again, that is the American way. I nursed both of my children. My first quit me cold turkey one week before her first birthday. I remember nursing my youngest on her first birthday and thinking "this kid is going to nurse until the school bus comes." she quit me cold turkey the week after her first birthday. I, thank the good Lord, never had to wean either of them. One year was perfect.

Level1 says,

Nursing is natural. I nursed my son. I believe, to this day, that nursing him gave him added immunity and is why he never had a single ear ache and was rarely sick as a baby.

To my mind, however, there is something a bit off about the whole thing when the nursing child is more than half the height of his (or her) mother.

canadafreeze says,

I nursed only one of my children, my last, and only because I insisted. With my first two children, I was not given a choice; instead, I was given a shot to dry up my milk. There was no consultation about whether I wanted to nurse my babies. An assumption, and therefore choice, was made for me.
Each mother should allowed to choose, and not be demonized nor idolized for her decision. It is far too personal for the world to judge one way or the other.

Undermom says,

If more men grew up with conscious memories of nursing, breasts would be seen in their proper context, as providers of nourishment for babies not sexual objects for men. :)

KharisJo says,

I agree with Dr Mona Ackerman http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/05/12/time-magazine-cover-what-about-the-child.html who questions whether the rights of this child are being protected by the posting of this photo on the cover of a national magazine. This is a far cry from a photo of a nursing mother discreetly practicising breastfeeding in public.

accidentaltourist says,

We discussed this topic over dinner last night. Animatedly. In a restaurant. Yeah, we are one of "those" families. I don't think any of my children were harmed by their lengthy nursing periods...they all seem reasonably well-adjusted. But maybe that's just a mother's bias. :)

ba_miracle says,

Neither. I do however wish we had a more healthy, natural outlook on breastfeeding.
I would wean long before the age of this boy ...breast, bottle or pacifier but I’ve made a million life/parenting decisions many people would not agree with.

While it’s been over 20 years since I breastfeed, I remember the dread I used to feel in the beginning, hiding in stalls, “looks” from strangers (even though I was covered by a blanket). Finally I just decided to focus on her during feeding. It was another really good life lesson in exactly how much I was going to let a total stranger’s opinion of what I was doing matter.

Undermom, I don’t see any reason why it has to be either / or.
Most people are aware of our duel functioning sexual organs and make the transition in thinking just fine as needed. I prefer a nice derriere regardless of it’s other purpose.

Wench says,

I have to disagree with Undermom too. I see where you're coming from, but breasts are sexy. They just are - if they weren't, they wouldn't be falling out of bikinis every summer. The problem isn't that our bodies are only meant to nurture and those pesky men think we're sexual objects, it's that the image of what sexy IS is fundamentally skewed. How about, motherhood is sexy. Caring for your children, raising a family, existing and working harmoniously with your partner is sexy. If my husband treated me like my breasts were only meant to sustain our son I'd be so depressed. I want to feel sexy, I want my husband to think I am, and I don't think motherhood is a hinderance to that, but society disagrees. Fortunately, making an awesome dinner or remembering to wash a load of laundry with my husband's favourite socks makes my husband happy. I don't need to be dolled up to the nines for him to like me, which makes it fun when I am, and I don't resent him for wanting to have sex because, well A, it's pretty awesome and B, we work together on a functional level and respect each other's work, and we're crazy about each other.

Wench says,

I would infinitely prefer my son grow up respecting both my institution, authority, love and care as his mother AND witnessing a healthy relationship where the husband reveres his wife's beauty than either of the two apparent alternatives.

Undermom says,

Perhaps I could phrase it better as - boys who grow into men who remember nursing, are able to appreciate the primary function of the breast as being for child nourishment, while still appreciating them as fun decorative accessories. :) I have this on good authority from grown men who nursed long term and remember it fondly. They also agree they would not be embarrassed by photos of themselves nursing, because there isn't any reason for them to be ashamed of it. Remembering and appreciating nursing hasn't interfered with their enjoyment of breasts as adults. :)

I bring it up because so many of the objections to public nursing, nursing photos, long term nursing, etc have at their base the prevailing cultural view of breasts as primarily sexual organs that need to be hidden. When we can see breasts being used for their primary function as normal, we'll all be a lot healthier. :)

There are sound health reasons to nurse far longer than the US cultural norm. The most recent exciting research news has shown that contrary to previous thoughts, children continue to get important immunological benefits from nursing even into the 3 and 4th years! It's been found that a mother's immune system will detect infection/exposure in the child, and manufacture specific immune factors that are passed to the child in the milk. Awesome stuff! :)

The Time cover article wording is designed to create controversy, as is the picture, because that's what sells magazines in this day and age, and magazines are in trouble. But it's still an awesome, awesome picture, in my opinion. :)

Wench says,

I do get what you mean about the lasting memories. On the other hand, my husband was fed formula and he is my biggest breast-feeding supporter. I'm sure respect for women, including their biological functions, does not rely on a memory of nursing, nor would anyone argue that it does. A child who is raised to respect and honor his parents knows to respect and honor his spouse, too. I'm a firm supporter of breastfeeding. And the health benefits can't be denied, it's true. In third world countries, it's far more common for children to nurse when they are older, but they don't have access to anywhere near the range of medical immunization. Like I said, I wouldn't tell a mother she shouldn't nurse her older child, but by a certain age, there's no reason they can't be getting all of the nutrition and immune development from a healthy diet and regular check-ups.

lillybrook says,

What Time Magazine did here is unfair. That's a BIG 3 year old child, not surprising since many nursed children grow faster in the early years than formula babies. The visual inference is clearly orchestrated to look odd -- a child half the size of his mother standing on an object that is designed to look like a chair but only sits slightly above this mother's ankles... there's judgment in the image. Bottom line: parenting is parenting. Lots of pieces go into the success and stress our kids experience, but our parenting style is not exclusively indicative of who they become. My 2 1/2 year old (who is attachment parented) is no more likely to become a co-dependent loser because she nursed longer than my 16 year old daughter (who was not attachment parented) who only nursed 3 months -- and she's also no more likely to become the next President. Anyone who thinks they have all the answers clearly hasn't been an in-the-trenches parent.

ba_miracle says,

I just read this article yesterday and even though it is from the Huff Post it had some excellent points.
I suppose I never thought of these issues as "mommy wars".
I read everything I could about parenting upon becoming pregnant (over 20yr ago) but world wide social media was non existent at the time so I didn't have to withstand the endless scrutiny and constant debate of today's parents.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kristen-howerton/mommy-wars_b_1510807.html

accidentaltourist says,

The concept of Mommy Wars is frightening. A 23-year-old friend just had a baby and she told me that she and her husband were amazed how many conflicting "tips" they got from the nurses...and everyone else who came to visit the new baby. My best parenting advice is this: take him home and love him.

lillybrook says,

accidentaltourist - Best. Advice. Ever.