Six Word Memoirs on Life Stories

accidentaltourist says,

Adoption is complicated. I have friends and family who are adopted, and who have adopted. Some situations turned out better than others. That said, I have to wonder: is it better to learn you were adopted, chosen to be loved by people who wanted you, or to be biologically birthed to and raised by someone who did not really want a child?

ba_miracle says,

I will second that adoption is complicated. I gave my boy for adoption in my late 20's. After meeting with many families I finally found "them".
They were introduced to me at a time when they were likely going to stop trying. I was in my last couple months struggling to stay off drugs, homeless and concerned that I had not found "The one" for him (I'd been looking for 6 months).
They had spent a large amount of time/money taking care of a birth-mother who skipped out on them in the end. Only leaving behind garbage for them to clean up after which included notes between her and the birth-father detailing how they were using everyone and never had plans to hand over the child.
They had lost what they considered to be their child and of course were scammed in the process.

In the hospital my best friend asked me "how are you going to do this"?
I didn't know how but I was.
I spent all my time with Preston (that is what they named him). Holding him, smelling him, just breathing him in.
One the last day, His parents walked into the nursery together. I saw love and a flash of fear in their faces for a moment.
I kept my smiling brave face and got up to bring him to them. I said "here's your son, he's beautiful" and I handed him over. I thought she would burst. I told them I'd meet them upstairs later (they hugged me).

Up until the moment they left with him I had held it together, no tears but in the shower I feel apart. I went off a deep end when I left the hospital. The amount of longing was like gravity. The first thing I did was get a pack of cigarettes and proceeded to get high and only try to hold myself together enough to sign the final papers. You see, even in my strung out state I could have changed my mind within a certain time after they took him. They would have had to hand him back over to me within 24 hrs if I'd asked. Adoption IS complicated.

I know they love him to the depths and in all the photos they look like loving people enjoying the kind of life a mother wants her child to have.

I know he is loved (he has a big family, I have photos of them all celebrating, camping, vacationing...beaming) I only hope he knows how loved he was by me or that it at least doesn't change the way he feels about himself.

Eventually I'll foster older children, probably unruly, difficult to place children (like I was growing up;-). They'll be respected and loved.

You will love a child that becomes your own...because they are your children. Can't make any guarantees that you will remember that you love them during every teenage moment (but you will).

My bio mom should not have had any children my last foster mom loved me enough to sometimes create a "healthy" dose of sibling rivalry between me and my sisters. Both of them loved me, only one was capable of taking care of me.

notjustagirlintheworld says,

Wow Ba...you really are something (good!).

ctgoods2 says,

no words...have to ditto njagithw.

Believe says,

I often find on sites like this that everyone throws out an opinion, whether or not we are ignorant of the subject or not. ba_miracle however, has a right to speak, not to be confused with freedom of speech. I admire her for her bravery in sharing on this site daily. Seems she's been through hell and high water. But her bravery in sharing (no matter if its a story, an opinion, or a life) is a common thread in everything she does and says.

Wench says,

I agree. Thank you for sharing your story, it brought an invaluable perspective. You have been through so much, I greatly admire your bravery and your willingness to share what you've experienced and learned.

ba_miracle says,

Thank you guys. I enjoy when other people "over-share" but sometimes wonder if my comments were welcome or if I've been too honest without enough cushion. I supposed for this one in particular I wanted to be open for your sake Wench. You can ask me any difficult or easy questions on or off board and I'll answer as candidly...well as usual.

Wench says,

I always appreciate your openness!

b.dale says,

To answer your question - I feel more loved and chosen by my adopted/legal father over my biological father.

Wench maybe this may (in time) help you - Thirty (ish) years ago, my parents gave birth to my sister who lived eleven days. In time they adopted a child from a second world country.

b.dale says,

Here is one to think about. As for biological - not every biological child is planned and some of us know we were a mistake; that's my experience... As for adoption - it is a choice. My experience being oldest of three children, two adopted, one biological - we all were loved just as much for our parents.

TheAngstyPoet says,

A good friend of mine, his little sister is adopted. The family is very open and loving about it. They adopted her from China. & as a family they have their normal ups and downs but Katie's adoption hasn't really negatively impacted anything.