What's Your Next-Door Neighbor Story?

Unreasonable Hate

I hate both my neighbors. They’re different as apples and oranges, but I hate them both. You say, “oh surely you don’t hate them sir,” or, “Isn’t hate a strong word”. So I sit on a rock an think and being all suave and such I deliver an answer that knocks your socks off. “Yes, I hate them, as much as I hate the cubs”. “Oh my,” you gasp all astounded and out breath, “the horror!” yet curiosity gets the best of you, and so, you ask, “why?”. At this point I’ve rumpled up my nose, beware I am about to age about ninety years and now you have awaken the inner grumpy old man who at the ripe age of one hundred and four will be sitting on his porch in nothing but a pair of dirty briefs speaking about the good old days when the kids either drank or smoked, but not both like you whippersnappers. Then I begin.
My first set of neighbors is a Latino family that frequently holds parties in the backyard. Their parties tend to extend well into the morning and the day. This is not why I hate them. At first I believed I hated them because I was racist, but this is not the case either as I hate my white upper class neighbors who live in their big eyesore of a house next door. They too receive the almighty judgment of my hate.
This hot red fury that boils up in me when I think about my neighbors is unreasonable because I am jealous of them while they are nothing that I ever want to be. I frequently stoop about my house, jealous of my neighbor’s fabulous parties, their wealth, their long talks, and their property. Why should they have the fun while I sit studying observing nothing, only work.
All they do have is not what I truly want. I don’t want a dusty old rental or a house out of Howard Roark’s nightmares. I want my family and my own parties. I want long talks, but on the subjects that I enjoy, not eight hour conversations about Mazda hubcaps. So I find the hate in me is unreasonable, but there, and now your question is answered. If you need anything more I’ll be right here on this porch in my undies.


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Have a Next-Door Neighbor Story?

As part of our new webcomic, Next-Door Neighbor, we thought it appropriate to have a little contest. Tell us your best true next-door neighbor story, and the winning tale will be matched with an artist and transformed into a webcomic and included as the final installment of Next-Door Neighbor.

About Next-Door Neighbor

No matter how close or how far, we all live next to someone, and we all have a Next-Door Neighbor story. With that in mind, editor Dean Haspiel asked some of his favorite storytellers and cartoonists to create their favorite NDN stories so we could share them with you.

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This contest ends September 1, 2008. Prizes are not redeemable for cash and must be accepted as awarded. Winners are decided at the discretion of SMITH judges and all decisions are final. SMITH reserves the right to change the contest rules. Enter as often as you want. SMITH reserves the right to reprint or republish all entries.

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