What's Your Next-Door Neighbor Story?

Wash These Thoughts From My Brain.


His name is Tad. I've been calling him Chad for over 3 months to which he responds. His door is at the top of the stairs right accross from mine. He leaves it open all the time.The landlord has yelled at him to keep it closed because it stinks in there. His apartment is neat as a pin and smells like ass. That's because it smells just like him. I never hear his shower running. He is fat. He walks around in boxer shorts sometimes. I think he thinks he is a swingin bachelor but his gut looks like a beach ball and he has flaking skin hanging on the folds of fat around his eyes and face. He is always knocking on my door to ask favors, most of which I decline because I don't want to encourage him. One day I was sitting out on my balcony in the sun, barefoot. He came out on his balcony too. God I can't get away from him! Anyway, he said "I like your tootsies."

I said "My what?!"

Him: "Your tootsies, your cute little toes"

Well it was all I could do to keep from hurling and wanted to go get a bottle of bleach to wash the image out of my mind.

Me: "That is just disturbing to hear you say that, don't tell me anything like that again."

I often fall sleep on my couch in front of the TV. One morning about 7 am, something just woke me. It was a click and small whoosh. I did not move, just opened my eyes. I looked over towards the door without moving my head. I could see the door was ajar just a couple of inches. Beyond it I could see a head moving back and forth like it was trying to get a better look. I got up and went to the door, stood there a couple of seconds to try to hear anything on the other side. Then I just got pissed and whipped it open, Yea, it was Tad, you never saw a fat boy move so fast down a flight of stairs.

I decided to inspect my door. There were two holes drilled from a lock that had been replaced and looking through them I could just see the end of my couch where my "tootsies" might be observed.


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Have a Next-Door Neighbor Story?

As part of our new webcomic, Next-Door Neighbor, we thought it appropriate to have a little contest. Tell us your best true next-door neighbor story, and the winning tale will be matched with an artist and transformed into a webcomic and included as the final installment of Next-Door Neighbor.

About Next-Door Neighbor

No matter how close or how far, we all live next to someone, and we all have a Next-Door Neighbor story. With that in mind, editor Dean Haspiel asked some of his favorite storytellers and cartoonists to create their favorite NDN stories so we could share them with you.

The Fine Print & Contest Rules

By submitting an entry, you are granting SMITH the right to reprint or republish that entry online or in print, as well as make any necessary edits. See SMITH's terms of service for complete details.

This contest ends September 1, 2008. Prizes are not redeemable for cash and must be accepted as awarded. Winners are decided at the discretion of SMITH judges and all decisions are final. SMITH reserves the right to change the contest rules. Enter as often as you want. SMITH reserves the right to reprint or republish all entries.

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