What's Your Next-Door Neighbor Story?

I live in the basement

My one failure as a tenet of the basement is that I live under people. I guess my neighbors live above me. In fact, one of the girls who lives upstairs says, "Hey neighbor," anytime she sees me. So there is that, in the whole scheme of things, there will always be that. There will also be that one Saturday morning. The one where I woke up to find some tiny shit outside the back door. What an odd thing that little pile was, but it was clear this production was the work of a canine. Apartment rules say, “No pets allowed,” but I have witnessed many transgressions against this decree by the three girls upstairs. They have a little pup. I hear it running around as I try and fall asleep.
I decided it'd probably be best if I gave them their shit back so I shoveled it into an empty aluminum bean can and left it at their back door with a note: "Here's your shit. Please make sure I don't find any again or I will just have to punt your little floozy on to the roof."
Later, there were giggles at the back door. I went out to find a flaming bag . I shoveled it up and went upstairs. By the time I made it to their door the bag had burned away. All that was left was a few smoking turds. I dumped these on their doorstep and went home. More giggles followed. This time at the front door. I went out to find the doggy's mess pad, the thing it pissed and shit on while inside, at our doorstep. I did not appreciate the game. All I was trying to do was give them their shit back. There was no need to seek retribution.
I decided to tell them this. I went up and knocked on their door. They answered and laughed. I did not enjoy this. Their little dog wandered out mocking me as well. I didn’t give it a second thought; I grabbed the dog and ran back to my lonely basement. I locked the door. Soon there was banging. I began writing ransom notes threatening to mail the dog to our landlord.


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Have a Next-Door Neighbor Story?

As part of our new webcomic, Next-Door Neighbor, we thought it appropriate to have a little contest. Tell us your best true next-door neighbor story, and the winning tale will be matched with an artist and transformed into a webcomic and included as the final installment of Next-Door Neighbor.

About Next-Door Neighbor

No matter how close or how far, we all live next to someone, and we all have a Next-Door Neighbor story. With that in mind, editor Dean Haspiel asked some of his favorite storytellers and cartoonists to create their favorite NDN stories so we could share them with you.

The Fine Print & Contest Rules

By submitting an entry, you are granting SMITH the right to reprint or republish that entry online or in print, as well as make any necessary edits. See SMITH's terms of service for complete details.

This contest ends September 1, 2008. Prizes are not redeemable for cash and must be accepted as awarded. Winners are decided at the discretion of SMITH judges and all decisions are final. SMITH reserves the right to change the contest rules. Enter as often as you want. SMITH reserves the right to reprint or republish all entries.

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