Gram and Lonely Day.

Do you know who I am?

She told me a story one day I was feeling down and if you know her she talks your ear off. One day she stayed with her aunt when she was a child, a big woman who made a fuss about her but was a controlling woman she said with a laugh. Her mom would put some change in her little purse and send her to her aunts for a little while. Her aunt had two step daughters from the marriage and they had a room up in the attic. Gram had used one of her cousins brush and broke it and instead of telling her she walked herself up to the strip mall and bought a new one and replaced it before it was known that the brush was even broken. She said it made her feel good. A pause. Do you know who I am?? a pause. Did you hear me?? yes i said, do you who I am??? Yes i said, laughing. Im that kind of person that wants to feel good even if no one else knows she said. I am living in chattanooga at that time in the pursuit of my happiness and the setting sun was hitting the trees at that time and I just drifted as she talked about her cousins, my grandfather and church. I heard it all but I realized where I came from. How I have the same feelings and thoughts living in me. I had quit smoking but a rough two days had me indulging in a smoke or five but life to me is something I can't figure out even though i yearn for meaning and purpose in whatever I do. The thought of finding a real love keeps escaping me thanks to reality and I might end up in the same dark place every time, but it is a place of comfort in knowing I haven't given up quite yet and still try to find it even if it the little things that I can so easily overlook, but a story from my grandmother's past can hold me still if only for a moment.


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