Valentines Day

I loved making my friends laugh and felt happy and important during our lunch time reading sessions

When I was a kid my favorite holiday was Valentines day. It was a time class parties featuring chocolate cupcakes with little red hearts sprinkled on the frosting and rules like "give everyone a card." I was the luckiest girl in the world because my mom believed the cardboard pack of 32 tiny valentines were cheap and not worthy of my classmates. Instead she bought me the smaller packs of real Hallmark cards. complete with postable envelopes. They seemed so elegant and grown up to me. I loved writing out each card and addressing each envelope. I felt like a queen as I delivered each one even though they rarely fit through the slots of the milk carton mailboxes we all made.

Each year I chose a boy in class to be my special valentine. He was usually blond and always had blue eyes and his most important trait was his kindness. I never let him know, not even by writing a secret note on his card, but I envisioned us as a little valentine couple making up innocent little stories in my head about our courtship.

By the time I entered junior highschool Valentine's Parties were a thing of the past. I celebrated by decorating my locker with heart cut-outs and wearing red sweaters but did not give out any valentines. Boys in my classes were ridiculous and certainly not anyone I would want to have a crush on.

Instead I discovered a new even more unobtainable love interest....Soap Opera Stars. Brian Bloom was the specific object of my desire. In case you aren't familar, he was Dusty Donovan on As the World Turns and he has the most crystal blue eyes I had ever seen. I knew him (according to TeenBeat) to be intelligent, sweet and loyal to his chosen girl (Lily on ATWT and Allison in real life). To me he seemed perfect.

Right around this time I started a special project. It was in college ruled (which seemed so important at the time) notebook with a picture of the feet of a dancing couple, one wearing peny loafers and one in saddle shoes. In it I documented my life as I saw it 10 years in the future...I was young and living life to the fullest in NYC. I had met Brian, fallen in love with him and together we were throwing parties and raising our twin daughters, Mercedes and Renee. (Interesting: I never wrote about about our wedding until my friend Mary asked if I really wanted to have kids before I got married. Foreshadowing???)

My friends were frequent visitors to NYC or lived near enough to star in my little saga and I often shared the journal over lunch. My friends and I would huddle around the notebook while we ate our cheese burgers and french fries, giggling over our future selves. I loved making my friends laugh and felt happy and important during those lunch time reading sessions. They filled my desire for attention and helped me get through middle school...a tough time for any girl.

I wish I had that notebook today! I would love to re-read those stories as an adult. Now I can only remember the big picture items, I can't remember individual stories at all. I would love insight into the 13 year old me because I can barely remember her. But back in junior high, after narrowly escaping public humiliation by leaving my journal on the school bus, I destroyed it. Even though I was willing to share with my friends, I could not bare the thought of the general public knowing my hearts desire and possibly making fun of me.

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