Gideon's Trumpet

anxiety

It's amazing how a depressed mind will attack every optimistic thought that finds its way in to the brain.

It's extraordinary how a hormone imbalance can destroy every ounce of trust I have for myself, cringe at his touch, and force my body to resemble a shriveled up green bean.

I was closer to knowing myself when I was a child. I wish I could go back to the innocence, the magic I knew for sure was there. This new world just seems so dark, dull, and flat. I've been here for too long.

Is this all I have to offer?
19, F reading Gideon's Trumpet, Vonnegut and the Upanishads
eating through my food stamps, working my life away.

Nothing gives me happiness.
I refuse to resort to drugs.
I need Self Love,
but today,
I have no time.
I'm too busy chasing after these imaginary dreams of money, security, and babies. Lots of babies.

will I ever have enough strength to run away? Or have I been conditioned by my TV for too long? Will I do the 9-5 or become a teacher in India? Will I gain the strength? Or will I fall pray to the traps entangling everyone else who keep their mouths shut, and turn away when they hear me sneeze?

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