The pursuit of non-reality

It takes practice. It's very similar to meditation. There are steps and levels to accumulate.
I'll share my first attempt (1 year ago).
I followed the instructions thoroughly, agonizingly starting over after every twitch of the leg. I actually cheated and took sleeping pills an hour before my attempts. Then I did what is called "Paradoxical Sleeping" and that’s when half of you is awake, and half of you is asleep. You can open your eyes, speak, think, but your whole body is paralyzed. Pretty cool, huh? I never experienced any hallucinating creatures though, but I do remember seeing my thoughts. I think of it like this:
you know when you close your eyes, and you look at the back of your eye lids and its not just BLACK. If you really observe, there are morphing particles flowing in different colors, accompanied by bulbs of light and tiny specks moving rapidly, similar to a broken television screen.
I would open my eyes, and my thoughts were projected into the air.
Not in words of course, but in the steady pace in which they were being thought. Like two gears moving faster and slower in unison. When I would think vast thoughts, those gears would grow colossal. When I thought simple thoughts, the gears would wane.
After that, I fell asleep and didn’t lucid dream.
I tried a few weeks later after researching new ways to achieve my goal. One of the recommendations was to always be aware of your consciousness. So when I was awake, I would repeat in my mind "I'm awake","I'm awake","I'm awake", and when I'd lay down for sleep I would repeat "I'm asleep","I'm asleep","i'm asleep" and so forth.
It hit me like a wave and rushed over my whole body. My pores started vibrating and I didn't know what to do. I knew I was sleeping, but I KNEW I WAS SLEEPING.
Where should I go, what should I do, who should I be with? So many possibilities.
Something began compressing my heart.
I panicked and lost my progress. Another failed attempt, but I was close!
After a few weeks of unsuccessful attempts, I finally succeeded. I woke up, or rather, entered my dream in school with my English teacher in a very pronounced fish eye yelling at me, and telling me to use the bathroom. Obeying her, I vapidly walked to the restroom, sat down, and my conscious thoughts began to transpire. "Where would you like to go Annie?" said myself.
"A forest." I replied.
Why a forest? I'm not really sure.
Your inner yearnings that aren't even apparent when awake, and visuals that you see but dismiss,
are so easily reached through lucid dreaming.
It was bliss. I never wanted to leave and I never wanted anyone else to protrude. I sewed my mouth shut and lived there.
I spent hours focusing on diminutive things like the anatomy of plants, the veins in my wrist, and the wrinkles in bark. I had the time to. What was really only an hour felt like six in a lucid dream. I was completely alone and it was a subconscious oasis. This world was complete and utter solitude. I could enter in and out at will and control everything that happened to me. After this initial "forest" experience, I began to traveled to different places each dream. I had conversations with my subconscious and solved mysteries about my psyche that today I credit in making me a more peaceful person than I would have been otherwise.
I spent every night lucid dreaming, for months. My body was dependent on sleeping pills and I had completely lost touch with reality. Nothing compared to that fabricated life of infallible bliss, but it was a terribly place to be. My preferred life was hiding ever so tantalizingly in bed, or on the floor, or on the couch. I forced myself to quit, for the better of my own good. Though occasionally, I reflect on my experience with lucid dreaming. It made me happy during a time where nothing, nor no one could. I would even wake up happy, remembering how everything was alright and did satisfied my desires. It wasn't until I physically moved that reality struck me in the face with the heavy brick of truth.


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