she.

Another unique Stereotype

Alot of love stories have been written, told and ellaborated. Mine is just one out of a million and thats how it is special. Thats how everyone is special, right? Indeed a stereotype, but who cares, its one of my longest stories.

November 2011,
IGCSE's were supposed to be very soon. Too soon. But i couldnt focus. English as first language seemed as my 3rd language. Nothing was coming in. I was dozing the class away until the end of class. One of the most boring classes i ever attended because one of my friends got a peptalk, again. After rushing our of class i first noticed her walking down stairs. Yes, for quite a while ive known her. But never so strange i saw her in this way. That was the first time i actually thought thoroughly about someone. Very interesting. We started talking, i liked it. But she never really was too interested, it was always me who asked the questions, saying hi. I was indeed still just a friend. At that that time there was still a he guarding her.

December 2011
They broke up. It was a kind of triumph to me. After waiting for a month or so. Our school decided to take all of us to North Sumatra. There i even more noticed how amazing she was. Still sort of ignoring me, but at least i have a shot. The last days in NS didnt go so well, i made a fool out of myself, a coward. Never in my life i have waited for someone. Never i have thought of someone 24/7. Never i was so happy recieving a text. Never i was so happy seeing someone. Never i was so happy to listen to someone's cooking adventures. Never i was so happy to hear about someons dog, Zubber. Never i was so enlighted to see chemistry charts. Never, i paid attention to an art student, except to my really close friends. Never i have heard of someone liking the same type of music as i do. Rareley i hear someone laughing at my jokes. Rareley i can ancounter someone i can talk to, pour everything out and for all trust them. Never i could relate to someone's dreams, ambitions. Never i could share what i actually mean. Ultimately i wasnt blinded by infatuation, i could feel it.

March 2012
We kept talking for days, weeks. My previous failures haunted my while texting. I was a coward. Arts Festival was coming up. A medium sized event. As always i sang at that event. "tompi"
Critizism was harsh, not really by her, but it was enough to put me to silence for quite a while.

July
We kept talking to each other. I could really talk about anything to her now. It was like my dream was coming true. At the start of school i was a Orientation Group Leader, just like her, when finally i noticed him. We still kept talking for a while.
"im sorry, we cant be more thanm just friends"
She tried to make me feel good. All inside i ripped myself up in pieces. Punching the wall became my choice of relief. What is wrong with me? Smacked things around, increased my frequency in aikido training. I couldnt do anything, i was angry, i was pissed, outraged. All the work, all the candy, all the friendliness. Never ever in my life i complained to god so badly. It got awkward, out of hand. Ignoring each other became her solution. It wasnt funny, it was very, very painful.,

Present day
He rubbs it in me, indirectly. We are friends, actually pretty good friends but it is a little weird. I never contacted, nor talked to her anymore. Automatically one wants whats best for the loved. We cannot control destiny nor fate. This is one of a gazillion stories of failure. We can choose to accept it or live in it. Somebody really hurts you if they mean a lot to you. I have moved on, far from it, but deep inside i still realize how much she meant to me. All those longnight talks of everything and and anything. Sometimes, dreams are so much better than life, but reality shows us how and what we should work out.

"The past haunted me for years. I haunted it back and caged it in the present. It remained there for decades until it escaped in the future."

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