Some Things Are Always Better

Don't you just wish you could go back and edit certain parts of your life to make them more appealing and what you wanted to happen in the first place? Sometimes I find myself thinking about things that have happened or things that will happen and wonder if just for one day if I could change the way everything happens. I think about things in my past... like when I first started dating my ex... there 's a real winner. He was so devoted to work and money that I was just an extra in his life that was a distraction. It was like we were in a movie and he was the director and I was the extra hanging out, waiting for him to notice me. It was like that the entire 3 years we were together. And the times that he did actually throw some attention my way, it was a constant battle for power. He was always right and I was the shameful no good person that was never good enough. I was never pretty enough, I wasn't blonde, my legs were stumpy, my boobs weren't big enough, I was never "playboy" material as he often referred to it. I never made enough money, my jobs were never up to his standards and my family was insane. He constantly put me down or threw me down.. I had more bruises than cows have spots. But he was my first love and I always thought, "maybe this is the way first loves are supposed to be". I thought for sure we would marry and have children.. but those weren't in his plans and I wasted my time for 3 years trying to make him love me. I changed my hair, I tried to change my body.. I changed who I was. He never loved me. He just used me.. to make me feel weak and useless. I wish I could make this story better.. it would have a fairytale theme with butterflies and princesses and a far away castle where the prince sweeps the princess off her feet and happily ever after they live. But, real life doesn't pan out that way, no matter how hard you try.
Working hard at a new job, I encountered a man that listened to me when I talked. We talked about lots of things.. things in our past, things we wanted in our future. We went out for birthday and what a gentleman he was. Even though I drank far too much, he carried me to my house and drove me around. He picked me up the next morning and took me to work. We continued to talk as time went on and realized we had a lot more in common than we thought. We went out for a drink one night and talked some more about every day things. We parted ways and met up a few days later. We talked and the magic happened. We knew there were sparks flying between us and we decided to make the most of it. I ended up leaving my ex and moving out the very next day. I had had enough and I had hit my breaking point.
So we continued to talk and see each other. 5 months into the relationship, we eloped to Vegas. It was the best impulsive decision I have ever made. We have now been married 2 years and have a beautiful 2 month old daughter. And I have two wonderful step kids who I adore. My family is my life and I cherish every moment.


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