A memoir based on actual events and the coming of age of a young Italian boy, growing up in a working class section of Little Italy, with gangsters as role models. He dreams of the day he too will be a gangster. His struggles as a child and young adult determine the person he will become.

By the time he is old enough to get close to his dream; he is facing the draft for the Korean War. It is in the military he begins to awaken to a secret that would prevent him from ever being accepted into any crime family.

After being released from the military he begins his career as an independent criminal, but soon found himself dealing with ex-convicts, killers, bank robbers, Irish terrorist, male prostitution, dishonest politicians, and corporate executives.

He keeps his independence, his secret, and realizes his ambition by living the life of respected business man while engaging in criminal activities. He finds little difference between his ethics and morals, from those of his political and corporate associates.

Some guessed at his criminal life. Only one man knew all sides of him. That man was his alter ego.
Confronted by the fate of his alter ego, he decides he must survive the circumstances which caused them to lose control of their lives.

Learning from the heartless arrogance of his past, he rebuilds a new life in a new place as corporate executive, and entrepreneur.

He finds success among the famous and powerful, while the human being in his soul always seems to elude him. Walking away from the mistakes of his past is more difficult than he ever imagined.

It is the truth about a man, who all his life searched for a pearl in a field of wheat. What he thought were pearls turned out to be stones, and threw them away. He never gave up searching for that pearl. One day he found the real pearl, but he did not recognize it as the pearl, and told himself this it too would end up a stone, and it was thrown away. He went through many years of his life; believing there would be no pearl for him, and he settled for many stones.

He was wrong thinking there was no pearl for him. Many stones, many miles, and many years later he returns home again, only to discover the pearl he threw away, had always been there searching for him. Now it had turned into ashes, but this time he knows it is his pearl, and keeps it safe in his heart.


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