My Indecisiveness is a Fulltime Job
We follow the waitress to our table. She gives each of us a World Curry Restaurant menu and then said, "I'll be back in a few minutes to take your orders."
My heart starts to race and my anxiety begins to emerge. The restaurant is small and confined. The aroma of the powerful Indian spices tantalize my taste buds. It is super busy and I know I don't have much time to make a decision as to what I am going to order. One by one, each of my friends close their menu and set it down on the table.
"Are you getting the Panang, Gala?"
My thoughts are in a jumble.
I always get the Panang, but I want to try other curries. But I love the Panang, it is a rich, sweet curry but I don’t know if I want sweet. What if I get something new and I do not like it or wish I got the Panang, then I just wasted ten bucks. But, I could end up liking a different curry even more than the Panang… The green curry looks good but do...
"Are you guys ready to order?"
Everybody looks at each other and nods and I make a gesture that isn't really a yes but not a no. I see one of them turn to the waiter and I already know the answer.
"Yes, I think were ready."
Then it continues.
Was that the right decision? I probably could have asked for more time. But if the rest of the table already ordered, then can I ask that? That would be mean to make the people at my table wait when we have already been here at least twenty-five-thirty minutes...I can hear all my friends answering in the background and I know I am almost next...My indecisiveness is running away with me...I can not decide...My mind feels like it is going to explode...My friends can answer in a split second but I have to go through all this just to make a decision like it is my last meal...If I don't pick something now I will drive myself crazy...
The waitress turns to me and asks "What would you like?"
"Um... I'll get the Panang."
Welcome to my life.
I have always been like this, even as a young girl, deciding what to get at Baskin Robins took hours, never minutes. But I don’t know why my mom would take me there when they have 31 flavors!? But as you can see, it can take me eons to decide on anything. Throughout the day, we are all constantly making decisions, what to wear, what to have for breakfast, where to sit in class, what to get for lunch, as well as career, friends, marriage partners and the list goes on and on and on. Everybody seems to come to a final decision, deal with the consequences and move on. But for me, It's an ongoing dialog, which is why my indecisiveness is a fulltime job.
I wonder if I will be like this forever...