Your Life Doesn't Have to Suck
...you can shape your life to however you want it.
Throughout your life, you have probably ran across the old saying “Life is what you make it”. Yet, you have probably have never actually thought what it really means considering how unbelievably corny it sounds. This motto is how I live day by day. When I was younger, I became much happier person when I realized that you can shape your own life however you want it. For it was Rich Gibson once said that you can choose to do whatever you want, just not under the circumstances we chose (Not his exact words, but the gist of it).
Like many teenagers, I went through a phase of which I was angry at life because I felt as if I had no control over life. When I was three years old, because of my eccentric behavior, I was diagnosed with a form of Autism named Aspergers syndrome. This means I show much eccentric behavior, socially struggle, am immature, and a variety of things that doctors just love giving labels to. My parents briefly touched on that subject when I was little, but it wasn’t until my high school years when both have completely told me. I raised an eyebrow and said “Gee, that’s interesting”, and seemed pretty normal…I went to sleep crying that night, questioning my existence in the world. I was not at all okay with it. How could I be? When you hear the words “Special Education”, what is the first this that runs through your head? Like everyone else, you think of some barren-minded kid “in his own world”. You don’t see them as “people”, you see them as whatever problem they have, and that is how I viewed myself. For a period of time during high school, I had the impression of myself that I could never really be successful in much. The way I viewed my self was that no matter what I did, I still had “this”.
Freshman year, I was “that annoying kid who sang a lot”. Occasionally, they threw in “faggot” and “wuss” in there. I even remember multiple occasions in which people would see me holding a guitar or singing and tell me I would never make it anywhere in life. They’d see me, laugh, and I remember two instances when something was thrown at me. Socializing was difficult, and still kind of is to me. This lasted for the majority of my freshman year, and even part of sophomore year.
Emotionally, Freshman year and the beginning of Sophomore year were a little more difficult. I sometimes would get up in the morning wondering why I am going to school, and strongly considered dropping out. Even I didn’t know why I was going. So I can socially screw up again? So I can be reminded about how there’s nothing really to me? So I can fail again?
Yet, for every single thing said to me, for every little thing said to me, I’d learn a little something about myself. After many pessimistic thoughts, I eventually came across with the idea that I should make what makes me different into and make it something people would be impressed by. While socializing was more of a challenge for me than other people, I eventually learned what a real friend is, and also was able to make some. I was able to meet people who saw past my awkwardness, and just saw that I don’t care about much else except getting along and enjoying life. If it’s one thing I learned in high school during the moments I felt alone, it’s that your best source of happiness is you, and no one else can control that. Although you don’t decide every thing that happens to you, you can decide how to react, and you can always pull through. I remember something our dean of students has said before. Some of our best moments come from our worst moments. This applies to me. Every time I hear someone tell me how awful their lives are, I always think to myself that is doesn’t have to be so awful. The best thing I have ever learned is that you can shape life however you want it to be and I will keep this with this the rest of my life.