15 years.

Depressed. Anxiety disorder. Bullied. Dyslexic. Emotional abuse. Verbal abuse. Eating disorder. Self harm. Suicidal. Mental Hospitals. I'm only 15

Depressed. Anxiety disorder. Bullied. Dyslexic. Emotional abuse. Verbal abuse. Eating disorder. Self harm. Suicidal. Mental Hospitals. I'm only 15. Freshman in high school. 4 schools since 5th grade.

My best friend bullied me all through Elementary school. I didn't know what bulling was though. She was my only friend, so I thought it was normal for a friend to put you down as often as she did. She would tell me I was worthless, and after she had more and more friends, she told me I wasn't as good as them.

in 6th grade I lost my best friend, my only friend, but she had tons more, that she told to hate me. They did.

I left school to become home schooled. I couldn't take all the bulling and comments from everyone.

I finished 7th grade as a home schooler. That summer, I got accepted into a new school. A Charter school. That was the first summer I heard the worded "depressed" to describe how I was feeling. I Googled it. I was going through a depression since age 11.

I started the new school. I had a blank recored, a new beginning. I was so so pleased with the school, teachers and student. Too bad the depression followed me. That year, even though it seems like it should have gotten better, it got worse. I started anti-depressants and counseling.

The words of my old friend never left my head. I believed them too. I hated living and hated myself, everything about my self.

In November, I cut my self. I just wanted to try it. I've tried everything to feel better, so why not? I got to school and showed my teacher. She gave me a hug. We started an amazing relationship on that day.

I lost my sense of taste, so I stopped eating. The only thing I would eat was ice cream. Everything tasted like mud, but I could tell that ice cream was cold. People told me I looked smaller and smaller. I didn't hate my body image, I was just too depressed to eat. 5'3'' at 100lb.

I never slept. My mind never stopped thinking. I stopped going to class. I couldn't go an hour with out bursting into tear in the middle of class or a panic attack during a test. I spent all of the day in the nurses office, guidance councilor and my teacher's office. I was no longer social, because I was afraid people would ask questions.

I went suicidal. I hated everything, and everyone, I was quite, but mad. I wanted to die more than anything. Little by little I was put on more meds. I told my teacher one day I was going to kill myself. That day, she didn't want me to go home. I was sent to a mental emergency evaluation center. I was scared out of my mind. I sat there for 4 hours, while my parents discussed what they were going to do with me while my 3 sisters were at home.

A few weeks after, I had an unexpected knee surgery. A week and a day after the surgery I went to a mental hospital for teens. I was still on crutches. I stayed there for 3 weeks. Missed a month of school. Went on meds for depression, anxiety/panic, sleep, eating and stabilizers. I learned that I had just as much worth than anyone else.
I was discharged on April 29th.

Obviously, my suicide was stopped. And I thank my teacher for that. I had a positive out come from the hospital.

Almost a year later, Im still on meds, in counseling, have suicidal thoughts, but I know that I'll be alright. I'm in class more, and learning, and over coming my dyslexia.

Last year, I thought my life was over. I was so sad, I starved my self and destroyed my self. I was only 14, my life wasn't even a 4th over.

My story is still going. But I'll get through this rollarcoster, alive.

Comments

cyggystardust says,

Congratulations on making it through a very challenging time. My prayer is that you will truly come to appreciate your unique spirit & voice. When days are dark, practise gratitude for the simplest things. It has always helped me. I wish you the best!

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