Lemonheads and Katy Perry
Sometimes, I have to come to terms with how good my life is, and it makes me uncomfortable...
Sometimes (well, most times), I lack the words to adequately say what I want to say. Though I am studying to be a journalist, I have difficulty talking to people and expressing thoughts accurately (perhaps not the best profession, but another thought for another day).
These past few months have been really difficult for me. I've come face-to-face with issues that I never thought I'd have to see: the real possibility of people I love killing themselves. In less than three months, I've had three people really close to me either try to kill themselves or seriously consider killing themselves (thankfully, everyone is in counseling and is getting much needed help). It's an issue I've viewed through my work as a street team member for TWLOHA, but not one that I've had to actively had to focus on until this year.
I've also been away at college for the past five months. Although I miss my family and friends back home extremely and absolutely, it's been wonderful and wonderfully difficult to move away from them and experience some of life on my own. As The Weepies have sang, "the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself."
And I am sitting in my dorm room at 3:53 a.m. with my roommate, listening to music and studying for my last final. I am tired but don't want to sleep. I am nostalgic, but am not sure who to talk to so late. Hence this story, although it's not much of one, and for that I'm sorry.
I never know if people actually read these. I do, but I feel sometimes like I'm the only one who wants to learn about every single moment of people's lives.
I will tell you only a quick few moments about mine as of late:
This past week, I've played board games with some of the most lovely people in the world, knowing that one of us will not return next semester. Although we will continue to be friends, a girl named Olivia left yesterday for another university, leaving behind many memories of late-night Walmart treks and Steak n Shake runs. She shared with me a ridiculous fondness for Lemonheads and the awful pop music of Katy Perry. We are both similar and different, and our friendship is one that I don't take lightly because I know neither of us make friends easily.
Three weeks ago, I spent some time doing community service with two wonderful girls (who also played board games with me). We handed out bags filled with food and toiletries to people in a lower-income apartment complex. There were people there who broke my heart, like the elderly man who told us that we couldn't bring his wife back so there was nothing we could do for him, or the woman who only wished she could have one healthy year before she could die. There were happier stories, of course, like the woman whose young son beamed when we handed him a candy cane, but the sad stick out more than the happy.
Sometimes, I have to come to terms with how good my life is, and it makes me uncomfortable because I so often think that I live a horrible existence. I hope you think about some of those moments in your life, because we aren't so different. We want to be important and loved. And we are, if we simply get out of ourselves for a moment. :)