Ties

The skin on Dad’s hands was dry, cracked, and marked with scars from years of physical labor while working in a machine shop. When he wasn’t at work with a wrench, he spent his weekends hammering and building the handy man special we fondly called home. Helping him on this solemn morning, and watching his hands, I was flooded with memories of my Dad and childhood.

“Hold still for a second, I almost have it,” I said. Dad dropped his hands to his sides. I slipped the knot closer, making it a little snugger, just the way he Read more

Twigs and Scissors

“You know, I could kill you right now, little boy,” Patrick said, holding long, sharp metal scissors to a boy’s throat. “Yeah, I could slice your throat right now and nobody would know,” said Little Rudy. He held a pocket knife in the air, pointing to the boy. Rudy was six years old, just a year older than my brother, Patrick. The young, blond hostage had large blue eyes that glistened with tears, which streamed down his dirty cheeks, moistening Patrick’s milk chocolate hand. He didn’t open his mouth or make a sound as my little brother tried acting like Read more

Finding myself

In 1998 my wife gave birth to our first child. You might feel this is no big deal. Lots of people have children. This, however, was my first known blood relative. I cant claim that I felt any different than your average new father when I looked into her eyes for the first time. This was the first time I looked in a persons eyes and saw myself looking back. It was like looking into my own soul and having it look back at me and ask "What am I supposed to do now?" For the first several weeks I Read more

Guys In Dark Rooms - A Tale of Dads and Strippers

I was taking a bubble bath when my dad told me about sex. Without any sort of warning he hunkered right down on the toilet across from the tub and began hurling words like "vagina" and stimulation" my way as my bubble cover quickly evaporated, leaving me naked and pruny in tepid water. The awkwardness of this sex talk pretty much set the stage for our relationship on that subject. Like most every other teenager since the dawn of time, I did not talk sex with my dad much. Not that he didn't want to. Read more

Love & Addiction

I wake up with a start before the alarm goes off and, being that it has not sounded yet, I attempt to roll over and resume my often-haunted dreams. After what feels like forever, finally accepting that sleep is not coming, I grab my phone. Open it. 8:24am. Jesus.
After watching a morning talk-show I crawl out of bed; start my morning routine an hour before any other day. 10:04. What do people do when they are awake this early? I settle on beginning the book I purchased the night before. It’s about cancer; more precisely, watching parents die of Read more