Brotha From Anotha Motha

If only I secretly wanted to jump him, but nope. He was the brother I never had, not the guy friend I secretly want to bone.

I first met Mike freshman year of college and he hated me. Our mutual friend Lisa tried to hook us up but it wasn't happening...

Me: a tall, chain smoking, loud Israeli girl

Mike: a shy townie with an Oasis "Don't Look Back in Anger" ring tone

Sophomore year I apparently saw him and his friend at a party and we played beer pong together. Me and my friend Julie together with Mike and his friend against another team. And I also apparently drunkenly told them to rub my ass for good luck whenever it was their turn to throw. Later down the road he reminded me of this....

"Wait I really said that? Not that I would put it past myself Sophmore year," I said.
"Yeah you really did, and we both thought you were insane," he said.

Fast forward to the summer after junior year of college. We both had to stay for summer session and there was no one left in our deserted college town. Everyone was doing big things like internships in New York and Philly....

Hey, since we're the only ones here, wanna be friends?

Great summer. We took a road trip to a nearby college to stalk a guy I liked who was clearly not there, well, no one seemed to be there for the summer. Didn't really get out of the car other than a stop at a gas station on the way back.

"Horrible idea Effy, but it's not like I had anything better to do," Mike said.

Senior year we became best friends and drinking buddies. He needed a wingwoman to help him understand the neurotic female mind, and I needed a wingman to understand the ridiculous male ego. We made a good match, but not that kind of match. If only I wanted to jump him when I saw him, but nope. He was the brother I never had, not the guy friend I secretly wanted to bone.

One cold Pennsylvania night Mike and I went out and got trashed, nothing new. I can still smell the lovely aroma of beer and piss at this little underground bar with pool tables and hippie-wannabe college kids singing Beatles covers. T'was the right time in our relaysh to tell Mike how I felt, so I told him I loved him. I just blurted it really, but isn't that the best way? ... Not in a romantic way, but in a way that if he has to go on a plane I'll get anxiety until he lands. That's my way of knowing.

Skip forward to end of senior year, when I finally got a boyfriend (hooray!). My new man and I didn't quiet see eye-2-eye on Mike though... I mean I knew that if he had a Mikette I wouldn't exactly be pleased, but I still made it a point that Mike wasn't going anywhere.

Then one day my contact lens fell out and I was freaking out that I couldn't see-- for the contact lens wearers out there, you know how annoying is it to see from one eye. Mike's roommate ended up having a similar prescription and so Mike drove over to where I was and gave me the lens. And I swear on my life I wasn't making him "my bitch". It's something I would do for him too and it’s not a big deal but all around me (and particularly from one very obnoxious friend of my boyfriend's) I kept hearing people say stupid shit that finally got to my head... Is mike actually in love with me? Am I just leading this guy on? I tossed and turned. What the fuck do I do?

I ended up breaking up with Mike, over text message nonetheless. Terrible. If Mike got a girlfriend who didn't understand our dynamic, would he have broken up with me? I don't know. Who the fuck knows. I hope Mike lands safely whenever he's on a flight. I hope he finds love and happiness and all that good stuff we used to analyze and make fun of and have deep drunk convo's about for hours. Cheers to you Mike, you and your damn Oasis ring tone.

Don't look back in anger, I heard you say... And scene.


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