oh please...

You can't hurt me anymore.
I see that you are nervous now if you are around me, though I try to make that as never ever as I possibly can.
I know I was a mess. I know I put you through a hell of a lot. What about your side? The side you never saw. The side you would never admit to. Your righteousness contributed to my blubbering madness. You don't care to see past the tip of your nose. It was always about you. Staying with me when I disrespected you in many ways (which was only because I didn't want to be with you) was only because of your own insecurities. It had nothing to do with me and my well being.
I admit that I was to weak so all those years prior that I wanted to leave I couldn't. You know that I tried. It's messed up what a person will do because they don't have the will power or the money. I admit to being afraid.
I believed you when you told me that I could never find someone else that would put up with my shit.
I believed you when you held me down on the floor and told me I was crazy. Over and over again.
I believed you when you told me that I wasn't able to figure out how to pay bills on my own.
I believed you when you told me that I needed to be on medication.
I believed you when you gave me about whatever diagnosis you had figured out for me that day.

Fuck you asshole...
You were wrong.

I no longer have to put up with your hard head.
I no longer have to put up with you smoking pot before doing any god damned thing.
I no longer have to put up with you always having to be right.
I no longer have to put up with you surfing every second possible.
I no longer have to put up with you not having a real fucking job.
I no longer have to worry about cops.

Though,
thank you for always picking up the dog poo (I really hate that shit).
Thank you for loving me and supporting me in any way you could.
Thank you for being with me for as long as you were (even though I think we somewhat hated each other, we needed it for the time we had it).
Thank you for keeping the dogs and staying in the house.
Thank you for trying to be a good ex boyfriend.
Thank you for doing your best.

I know I was horrible. I know I was cruel. I know I was disrespectful.

But I still hate you. I had to completely cut you off to get you to stop telling me how horrible and wrong anything I did was AFTER we broke up. My current boyfriend threatening you helped a bit as well.

Why are relationships so confusing? Or, maybe it's just me. Maybe I am crazy.
I hate you, and yet I am grateful.

Seven and a half years is a long time. We are different people now.

I grew and changed. You stayed the same.

I am disgusted and sad when I think of you.

You can't hurt me anymore. Why are you nervous around me?

I still need to pick up the antique dessert glasses from my mother that you have. I really don't want to see you. Why are you nervous around me?

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