Monster

I couldn't make him human. It was hard, but I learned to accept it.

I met him, and he was perfect. Little did I know, he thought so, too. Like the clouds, he changed shape constantly. What started out looking like my knight in shining armor ended up being a monster that overtook my life. Through him, I learned how to hate with all my soul, I learned how it felt to be abused, I learned the pain of being cheated on, over and over again. I made him the center of my universe, and that is exactly what he expected out of me, and felt fully entitled to be. Shamefully, I put my "relationship" with him above my relationship with my own child. I thought I would die without him, while being with him was slowly killing me. He poisoned my soul, he turned me against myself. I tried so hard to show him that I loved him, because I knew he was afraid of love, and I wanted to be the one to show him that love is beautiful, not something to be afraid of. He didn't want love. He wanted control, and I gave it to him. He made me question my right to even be alive, when he is the one who deserves to die. He would leave me, and then call me to come back to him, just because he liked the power. He only truly wanted me when he couldn't count on anyone else. When his struggle at the time passed, he no longer wanted me, and he ran off. He expected me to stay put, do nothing, go nowhere, and just cry my eyes out and wait by the phone, hoping he would call, and that's what I did. Then one day, I saw a light in the distance, but something was blocking my light. The light was my happiness, and he was standing right between my happiness and myself. I knew then what he really was, and I had to accept that my good heart could not change his lack of a heart. I couldn't make him human. It was hard, but I learned to accept it. I bulldozed over him, and found my way to the light. He was so angry. He tried to hurt me, but I took his power to do that away from him, and that made him even angrier. I wasn't supposed to leave, I was supposed to always be there when he wanted to abuse me, and wait by the phone, having no life of my own, when he was bored with me. I turned the tables on him. I left. I left him, and I moved away so he couldn't find me. I didn't go far, but it was far enough. He saw me now and then in public, and tried to scare me, called me names. It was very sad to see him acting that way. He doesn't know that i know that he did it the way a toddler tantrums when they have no control and they want it so badly. He thought he could bully me into giving him back control. He was enraged because he couldn't hurt me anymore. He didn't know what to do, it wasn't supposed to be that way, and he never, ever imagined I had the strenght within me to survive without his abuse. But I did. I slayed the beast. Haven't seen him in a long time. He is probably the monster in someone else's life now. I'm sorry for her. I hope she leaves sooner than I did. Someday he will have to stop. He will be too old to find fresh victims. I think that will kill him completely. He might kill himself, because he would rather die than have no one to hurt. I hope he does kill himself. I already killed his pride. I am happy.

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