The First Heartbreak...

Silly little girl is overjoyed. And then she finds out about her unknown prostitution and is... unhappy. But she still stays with Boy... because he is tall and strong and, well, a boy.

When one is in the seventh grade, one doesn't question the affection of boys. If they show any interest in you, other than an object to torment and throw empty milk cartons at, it is mysterious and true, and should be taken on faith and hope. Faith and hope, perhaps, was something my 13 year old self had just a little too much of.
He was too tall for our age, and wider than two of me. He always seemed to lurch his way down the one hallway at my tiny elementary school, as if shuffling in his brown school shoes would make him blend in better with the grey and blue walls. I was a tiny, barely 5 foot girl with hair that reached past my shoulders and wore glasses (later bright green contacts) and was far too eager to roll up my school's plaid skirt in vain attempts to catch wandering eyes with my pale thighs.
I was awkward, he was awkward, it should have worked, right?
Well, at first he rejected me because of my love for a certain Boy Wizard. Telling me (In a fifth grade email, no less) that I was a "witch who is in love wit harry potter" I sobbed my little girl tears for approximately ten minutes. Two years later, I still hadn't given up on the lumbering boy. This was when seventh grade politics went into action, with the passing of money and affections in a sad microscale of how I'm certain to this day Washington DC works.
You see, Boy A wants Girl A. Girl A is Shuffling Tall Boy's "ex-girlfriend" and she is tall and too gorgeous in an obvious way. Girl A thinks that the ultimate revenge of Shuffling Tall Object of Affections is to pair him up with Me. I am a punishment. I am unaware, and if I am, I have just low enough self-esteem to not care. So... in order to get Girl A on his arm, Boy A pays Too-Tall, Lumbering, Barrel-Chested Boy five dollars to ask Me "out". Which means we'll sit next to each other on the bus to gym class. This way, Girl A will have received her vengeance and be satisfied to grudgingly "date" Boy A for a number of days.
Silly little girl is overjoyed. And then she finds out about her unknown prostitution and is... unhappy. But she still stays with Boy... because he is tall and strong and, well, a boy.
It happens though, that one day, I am sitting on a blue plastic bench on the asphalt in the parking lot that they called a playground. About a week after I had danced about my room in joy because of this barely adolescent boy, I was dangling my feet off this bench. My too big feet don't scratch the ground, and my short legs jiggle off the edge, as this boy who could probably lift me over his head (and may have tried to at some point) walks over, with a gang of boys. To keep himself safe? Who knows. I never thought of myself as a danger. I am a mouse... a mouse who is a sellable commodity, apparently. And as I sit on that bench, my rolled up skirt barely protecting my thighs from sticking, this boy comes up to me.
"Umm... So, I'm breaking up with you, k?" He is looking down, but once he gets his words out, forcing his voice to stay in his chest, he crosses his arms and laughs with his friends. I have looked up from my book (Harry Potter, perhaps?) by this point, and mutter "I know you were getting paid. I don't care." It sounds much cooler in my head - I am facing down this boy who seems to enjoy stepping on my little heart. But it comes out a stammer, my voice sounding recorded. I hate the way my voice sounds when it is recorded.
He nods, and walks away, I am sure he is laughing with his friends, as if I am stupid and cannot hear him. And I am stupid, a stupid thirteen year old girl with no chance in my awkward phase. But I continue reading my book. And a flock of girls descend upon me, as if they would comfort me. Girl A has "dumped" Boy A for what he did...
And all I can think is... politics are weird.


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