haunted

I still love all the people I've ever loved

I'm in the most wonderful relationship and I wonder if it would upset her to know that I still love my ex? Not in a wanting-to-be-with-him kind of loving, but I will always love him. And I'm the one who left. And he will never ever forgive me.
We built a baby together, but then he found that he couldn't be nice to that new person and then he couldn't be nice to me. And after thirteen years I called it and he said "you never gave me a chance" and he read my journals and he was angry to find that I planned out the leaving. Even though I told him all those things.
I still love all the people I've ever loved, ever been with, even though the leaving was each time the right thing to do. But only this one relationship ended so badly, with so much hurt and anger. We don't shake hands or chat or send tacky christmas cards, we don't talk about our son or his life or mine. We don't talk. But all that history, it's still a part of me and it's haunting.

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