my french x

i feel like an illusion in my own life.

which would make him monsieur ix is a man much younger than i. don't mistaken me for one second, i adore this man. and i believed him when he said it for me also. but i dunno, 'lucy got some splainin to do'. when a man does not know how to make love to 'the sexiest woman he's ever met' or better yet when the passion is not leading the night, something ain't right. why bother calling, emailing, texting, smoke signals or otherwise contacting your ex if you have no desire to barely tongue her? i thought it was called a french kiss because they knew what we needed to learn in order to do it. so my ex is my ex since he chose to be so. my ex is the love of my life whom i met at a dating in a dark dinner had in nyc. i am entranced by french accents and at the time he had the greatest melody in his bass. once dessert arrived with the candlelight i witnessed his face and opted against further dalliancing since he seemed much younger than me. but since i seem and look much younger than me he insisted and we carried on for a while. i fell hard and i love him more today than i did before i allowed myself to open my heart to him.
but alas, he bid me adieu becoz ' i was too old'. so i took my young heart back to chest and out of my throat and carried on albeit skinnier than before......... i insisted on no contact so i could get over him and he insisted on being the spoiled brat that he is and always kept a foot in the door. until one day i chanced upon him in nyc. the chances are one in eight million so i thanked the most high and of course my ex and we had a lovely evening. back in his trance i fell bad again. i know fool me once shame on you.......however don't forget that i love him and always did believe that he would come back altho i did get older. so he left the country since america don't like foreigners and i was under the impression tht he would return one day. but he doesn't love me and has moved on and i know this to be true and i need to do the same to. but i do not want to move on because he was the one i asked for when i returned from my first and only trip to france. i am approached by men maybe more times than i know since i cannot see or notice anyone. i feel like an illusion in my own life. i certainly am madly and deeply and desperately in love with one. now when we had our time we had a good vibe. i am attracted to the energy of a man. his magnetic pull was unfettered. my heart wore a smile. i did not want to miss one heart beat when we met and loved. everyone should have such a massive love and be loved and become love. i think that's why we were put here. i miss the me i was in we.i miss him. i miss smelling his musk on my pillow. i miss the delusion of us. i miss our times trying to figure out what the other was saying. if i never love another again i did love the best i knew how. if i love again i hope its the same.


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