I've lost my wings. I'm plummeting towards Earth.
There I was. It was High School, the year 2003. I was a quiet teenager, finding comfort in my solitude. I had a few dude friends that I would consort with, but was entirely too shy to ever approach a girl. I was plopped into an Ecology/Geology class due to a scheduling mishap, and there was no escaping it. Great. It's bad enough it was only third period early in the morning, but it was even worse considering the subject matter. Rocks? Dirt? I didn't really care.
I was more interested in the long haired girl in front of me. She sat beside a short haired girl who I assumed to be her best friend. For many weeks I would watch the duo, admitting to have checked out the long haired one numerous times.
One day, for whatever reason, they decided to switch seats. The short haired girl sat beside me, and her long haired friend was next to her. They randomly introduced themselves, and I awkwardly returned in kind. We formed a group for doing projects, and I found myself opening up to them, with the long haired one really captivating me. As the year progressed, I became friends with the pair.
The next year was senior year. My schedule was garbage, and I was thrown into a lunch period which none of my friends had... or so I thought. As I stood in the doorway of the cafeteria, I surveyed the countless tables, frowning as I didn't see any faces I knew. I then felt a hand on my shoulder; It was the long haired girl and her friend. They welcomed me to sit with them, and I was happier than a pig in mud to be reunited with them after the long summer.
As the year progressed, I could feel myself falling for the long haired girl. I had so many chances to tell her that I really liked her, but I was still entirely too shy to say anything. Even when the senior prom rolled around, I didn't have the fortitude to ask her out. Instead, she went with some other guy and they became an item. I had never wanted to kick my own ass so much in my life. Just before senior year ended, however, I got her screen name. We would e-mail each other every now and then.
I was on break, sitting outside of the supermarket I was ashamed to call my place of work when I saw a familiar figure approaching the building. As she got closer, I immediately recognized that beautiful face; It was the girl I had a crush on. I stood up, and was immediately drawn into a hug. I can still remember how warm and soft she was, and how wonderfully feminine she smelled. I froze, completely caught off guard. We began to chat, and after being outside for half an hour later than I should have been, I went back to work. As I ventured back into my department, I approached my boss and went to explain my absence. He held up his hand and told me he saw the whole thing. He patted my back, and the subject was dropped.
A few weeks later, when September shifted to October, she came to visit me at work. This time, our initial hug was much longer. She told me that her boyfriend dumped her. I felt sorry for her, and did my best to comfort her. Despite my pity, I could only smile on the inside. I had the chance now... but damn it, I still didn't have the testicles to take it. I ended up hanging out there two hours after my shift ended. Just as I went to go to my car, I heard heavy footsteps nearing me. She had come back, and had done the unthinkable.
She asked me out. My heart raced, my head became light as a feather, and I felt as though I was going to begin floating. It was the beginning of the happiest time in my young life.
For several years, we enjoyed a close relationship. We did everything together. I bent over backwards to make her happy by doing the usual boyfriend activities. I'd listen to her, I'd buy her thoughtful gifts, I'd go places with her. I'd take her out to dinner, and I even pushed aside my few friends to make time for her. Despite the fact that she was going to college in another state, we kept things tight. I'd take her back after her weekend visits back home would be over, and I'd always be on the phone. She would eventually grow tired of being separated from her friends and family, and decided to transfer to a school in our native state. Our relationship continued to prosper, and we had many good times.
Around the summer of 2008, she began to feel differently. For one reason or another, things just didn't feel the same. She wasn't enjoying the romance anymore, the excitement was gone, and she just wasn't happy. We parted ways for a month, but still kept communications open. After a month long stay in hell, I convinced her to give the relationship another try. We would enjoy several months of happiness, but the relationship just wasn't the same. She was a different person than before. She didn't want hugs and kisses, and she felt uncomfortable when I would compliment her or say loving things. I hated the change, and for whatever reason, fought it. I would try and force her to warm up and frequently complain that I missed the person she once was. Despite the fact that I wasn't as happy anymore, I still enjoyed her company. I still loved her.
As the months passed, the relationship continued to wither. There was an unmistakable wedge between us, and neither of us were as happy as we used to be. Perhaps we just didn't want to admit to ourselves that things were dire, but for whatever reason, we would tell one another that things were alright and that we were still happy. Then, January 2009 came.
I noticed that during the day, she was eerily quiet. I messaged her several times in the morning, and got no response. By the time that day was conquered by night, I finally got a message. She was depressed, unhappy, and a mess. When I asked her why, it was because she was thinking about our relationship. She finally admitted in a long e-mail that she didn't have feelings anymore. She was unhappy with her life, and our relationship was the primary reason that she was suffering. She wanted to go in a separate direction. She said we couldn't be friends, at least for now, and said she didn't want to rule out getting back together someday.
I was crushed. Sure, things weren't sunshine and lollipops like they used to be, but I didn't want to lose her. I spent the past four years with her, and always dreamed of having her by my side through life. I would frequently smile at the idea of growing old with her. She wasn't the girl she used to be, and I was so obsessed with calling her out on it that I didn't realize what it was I had. Instead of taking it at face value, I always focused on what was missing instead of what was left.
So here I am. After four years of soaring through the heavens unopposed, my wings have been torn off my back. My whole life is changing, and there's nothing I can do. I'm subject to the laws of gravity that pull me closer and closer towards the Earth.
I can only hope that someday, after the passage of time, we might be reunited. Perhaps after we spend some time apart in the crazy world and figure out what it is we want out of life, we'll find each other again. They always say that "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." I can only pray to God and beseech the Fates that the saying is true. I know we gave it a second chance that ended up in failure, but I've learned so much already.
I don't have fancy dreams and aspirations. All I want is for the love of my life to return to me, and I'd sunder the Hells themselves to get it back.