The Possibility of Forever

"I was going to ask you to marry me."

As I left, he harshly spat at me, with more emotion than I had ever seen in him:
"I was going to ask you to marry me."
"I know," I said, and I did. I knew because he was the most transparent person in the world and not in a way that I liked. I knew because he thought it was the next step in life, like his parents and their parents before them: graduate high school, graduate college, get a job, get married, have kids. And because I knew all of this, I also knew that I had to leave.
Because when I thought about spending the rest of my life with him, my stomach twisted up in knots and I felt like I was going to faint. The thought of it kept me up late at night, staring at the ceiling, wondering: "How did I get here and how do I get out?"
Because when I thought about what a life with him meant, it made my very soul ache for something more. Because a life with him meant always playing it safe. It meant never having adventures, or going on drives, just because. It meant talking about work days and which bar we were going to hit up next instead of the mysteries of the universe. And, most of all, it meant that every single day, I would give everything of myself to him, and every single day, I would be disappointed when I got so little in return.
I stayed for much too long, this much I know to be true. But hindsight, as they say, is 20-20. I understand now, what we really meant to each other: a learning experience. A piece of life that you grow and shape yourself from. We are better now seperately than we ever were together. The life is bright and in focus and full of possibilty and excitement, now that we're apart.
Sometimes, that's all that it takes.


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