MY YOUNGER MAN

What can a woman say when she is wooed by a young man 15 years her junior? I just thought of how good it felt at the time as I was recently divorced from my ex-husband of twenty-five years. The sex was great, the conversation limited to present happenings and the struggle with my feelings was enormous. I thought if I gave in to my emotions I would be sorry in the end but I succumbed to his happy-go-lucky manner and gentle heart. Time went by, weekend by weekend, then things took a serious turn and he asked me to marry him not once but twice. I had to think seriously about this as I still had my daughter living with me and she didn't take to him that well. Meanwhile we cruised along not really doing much at all so we decided to go on a holiday down to the south coast as his friend had a caravan down there. The night before we were suppose to leave we went to dinner and drinks and he met up with one of his mates. This wasn't too bad as we had a fun night all together. The crunch came the next day when I got out of bed to hear him on the phone to his mate organising a surfing trip for the very next day. When he got off the phone I confronted him and he just couldn't say anything so I lost it and started yelling at him accusing him of wasting my holiday leave that I could've and should've spent with my kids! He still stood there like a dummy so I walked out. I don't know how I drove the two hours to my sisters place in a sobbing blur. I stayed with her that week mostly in a drunken stupor blaming myself for being such an idiot and believing something like what we had could actually work. He was young and still wanted to party with his mates. I can tell now how much younger in the head he was to me as he hadn't really put me first I was just in a dream. I think now that he only wanted to marry me because I could keep him on track but I always knew in my heart that I could never be a mother to his six year old son whom I'd had never met. After his week away with the boys he rang me and couldn't really understand why I was upset which just made me madder and so I decided to tell him that what he had done had ended our relationship and that there would be no more midnight phone calls to talk til the wee hours of the morning. No more weekends spent in bed hugging and kissing and telling each other how we felt. No more crying on each others shoulders when things went wrong. It would all be over and we would have to go our separate ways. I was devastated as he was and still is the love of my life. I think about him everyday but I had changed my mobile phone number and moved house so he could not contact me. I often think that I would ring his mum (another person I did not have the opportunity to meet in those three years even though she knew about me) and ask if he is doing ok but do I really want to know? I am better off just thinking that he is making the most of his young life. I wonder if he still thinks about me?

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