Less about Ex's More about Me

An Ex really ever an Ex?

This is the story of my not so exish Ex's.
I was fat, Now I am not, and my life was saved by a rockstar.
When I think about Ex's a few things come to mind. One that I was late bloomer with a raging nypho inside who couldnt get out because I was the fat pretty girl. Two that after I lost the weight a rockstar saved my life by letting the nypho out to play. And three that all my ex's are actracted mostly to the nypho, and not the girl I may really be.
He walked right up to me through an entire crowd of blonde blue eyed babes, and said "I played that whole show for you beautiful." Brown eyes brown skin, walking sex just called me beautiful. Yes I know it was a line he'd used before (I do have a brain), however I was thinking with my groin area and loved every word of it. This is where my life changed, and though I cant really call him my ex. We've have a tumulchuous relationship ever since, and hes the first name that comes up whenever I think of my past loves.
He's armed me with a rockstar confidence, thats sometimes done more harm then good.
I have never been one for relationships and have told every boy who's ever strolled up on me so. There has been 2 times thus far a boy has bent but not broken that ideal. The boy with the bike and the enginer. Seem totally drastically different right.. Not so much really. Cute,Smart,Witty sarcastic, asshole tendencies, sexual, but have big hearts. Big hearts, big brains, and well endowed in other areas these are my vices. Bike boy sweet talked me for a month before Id go out with him. I fell for his words, and then into his bed. We were like glue and admittedly I got freaked out, and I hurt him. Hell never say it, and Ill never push him to, but a girl just knows when shes broken someone. So now years later he continually breaks me, and I suffer through it because its what we do. I moved across the world and still thought about him. The person who grindes down into the bottom of your soul first they linger there it seems forever. We dont have indepth conversations, much in common, or know the same people. Its just a connextion that you cant define or seem to get rid of even if you want to. Sort of like a drug you know its bad for you, but the highs so much fun. Course coming down is its own kind of nightmare.
Engineer speaks from his heart, and is filter free like me. Says it like it is, and you have to respect that even if it can come off quite assholeish. Beautiful thing about that though is that I can say it like it is too, and it creates comfort. He would say the naughtiest things to me, and somehow makes me feel beautiful. The click came on strong and fast. Unlike bike boy, Enginer and I find alot of common ground. I loved walking all that common ground and finding even more. We could have had something longer and complete, but life got in the way. His 'Bike girl' to be exact. I consider enginer an ex, but really he's lingering in limbo. Its sort of a sexual limbo, and the easiest way out is for us to give in and let him out. However the nypho the rockstar let out so long ago sort of wants to let the pretty fat girl back into the driver seat.
So the story continues on in confusion, More vertically less horizontally, but hopefully just as fun?..


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