wounded.

He was my world at one point. For whatever reason to be honest, looking back at it, I don't know what I ever saw in him. But that's how anyone feels about any of their exes right? The point is though, he got me pregnant when I was fifteen. Mind you, neither of us were ready to be parents, but as soon as we found out, he shut down. He pushed me away and started showing his true colors. My parents weren't supportive either, and I was pushed into terminating the pregnancy, and what a shocker, HE wasn't by my side. I had to go through it alone, I had to face the loss alone.
For months, I called myself a murderer. Kids at school called me one as well, when a rumor got around the school. He was no where to be found when I was being bullied, and exactly a week later we broke up. I started to SI worse than I ever had. I was in and out of hospitals, and again he was nowhere to be found. We were on and off for months, my friends and family despised him.
But for me, he was the only "connection" I had left to my baby.
After months of torture, my mother finally called the doctor to see what she could do to help me.( Honestly though, there was nothing she could do, because I despised her at that time in my life) but the doctor pulled up the ultrasound they took right before the procedure and told my mom that I had miscarried, and I just say there shocked. "how did my doctor not see this?" I told him, he didn't care much, and at that point I knew it was time to let him go.
Why stay with someone that doesn't care about anyone or anything but himself and sex. Once I started dating someone new, he came crawling back . When I told him that we were never going to back together he went into a rage and said "I have no baby, he doesn't exsist. It's your parents fault." That was the first time in months that I had relapsed. He was worthless, and always will be. He's the exact same person he was almost three years ago.

Luckily though, I no longer feel the need to keep him in my life to fill that void. I know my baby is looking down on me, and is safe and sound with family and friends that have passed away. I am dating an incredible man, I am four and a half months self injury free, and I have been out of the hospital for more than two years. Despite this boy, making my life a living hell. I have turned it around tremendously, and I really hope this can inspire someone. A boy can not, and does not rule your entire life because of a bad relationship, or bad breakup. I am living proof. <3

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