You chose her

I was your best friend growing up. You were my first love. She was some girl you met in high school, but she erased all our history anyway. You said we could never be over, you said that we would come back to each other, now you say nothing at all. When I told you we needed to speak now or never again, I though you would have said something - maybe I didn't know you as well as I thought. I needed you that year. I thought I was losing my mom to cancer, instead I was losing myself to adolesence. You could have brought me back, but she brought you too far away. No one has ever hurt me in the ways that you have, and I will never love anyone like I love you. Maybe you are different now, maybe you have changed. Maybe your dreams are different now. Maybe the things you love are different now. They must be, because once, you used to love me. If you were right when you said we were always going to be in each others lives, then I will hold on to the idea of you.
Someone now tells me everyday that he loves me. And with him I always know that is true. But you never stray far from my mind, and have never found your way out of my heart.
Would I come back to you if you asked me? Would I leave the man who I wake next to each morning for what I loved so much as a child? Could I even love you now that we are adults, or was it a love only a child could know?
Will you ever choose me over her? Would you ever love me back?
You threw everything we had away for someone you barely knew, so why do I still cling to it all? Knowing that once I release you from my memory, I won't know you at all. Keeping the childhood we had together in my mind, in fear of tearing the very fabric of my youth. Maybe if I let it go I will see it for what it really was, see all the holes and the stains, and watch it all unravel.
You shaped who I was and I don't want to let you go. For me, it's not so easy as it was for you.


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