Where R U? I need U!

But I am doing the best I can to respect his wishes

My Ex! We had a very rocky relationship which included friendship and dating, neither of us knew what exactly it was that we wanted but we had an unbelievable soul connection.

One time while living in the same city he had written in the condensation on the window of his apartment "Where R U? I need U!

I could not explain the urgent feeling, I could not call because he did not have a phone, but i dropped what I was doing and drove the 3o mins to his place.
When I arrived he could not believe his eyes! Then he showed me the message he had written with his finger on the window. I could not believe my eyes!

Amazingly Crazy isn't it how I just knew he needed me at that moment! How to people can be so in tune to each other! We had been friends for many years, we dated, separated, connected, and each moved off into our own directions our relationship ebbing and flowing like the tide of the ocean.

I was his "Best Man(woman)!" . He had asked me one night to be his best man when he got married!( Although there was on one in sight just yet) We had not seen each other in a couple years and by chance happened to be across the back ally from each other. I was visiting friends and he was at home! He and his roommate had a few people over and I walked over to say hello! He was so excited to see me, he dragged me into the house and made everyone be quiet so he could tell them I was there and that I was the girl he had been talking about to them....It was very flattering.

I thought we would always be in each others life. He used to tell me how proud he was of me! We used to have amazing heart to hearts and even more amazing sex! We were soul mates! Just not the type to live happily ever after together!

I loved him a lot, but could not see myself living with his alcohol and hard drug addictions. The depression he faced some days was smothering, and the anger he had was down right terrifying, I knew that if I would of moved in with him, it would ruin everything we had. I moved away and it took him along time to forgive me. But he did, and we stayed in contact. Not everything was bad with him, we shared a lot of laughs and a lot of firsts, which u do being friends since elementary school.

On one of my few visits to his part of the country I went to share my good news that I had found someone to spend my life with. I was getting married, I was excited to share this new chapter of my life with him. He was all happy and gave me the biggest hug when we went to part ways.....and that was the last time I ever laid eyes on him!

A short time later I got an email from his mother telling me that he had said if I went ahead with my marriage that he was not going to be in my life anymore...OUCH! That hurt!!! I was like What the heck! How is that fair! And so by gaining a new love, i lost an old one...and I still very much miss him. I grieve for him and the fun times we used to have, when life was not so complicated with less responsibilities. I will never forget him, he has forever changed me.

Sometimes I find my mind wondering back to the What if's, does he miss me too's or the wonder what he's doing now's! And I have to learn to accept that there is a hole in my heart, where he will always be and all I can do now it learn to let it go and bless him with love! I still have moments where I feel like he needs me similar to that night when he wrote it on the window. But I am doing the best I can to respect his wishes (even when it feels like my heart is still breaking some more) ! And if he still believes that losing me, as a friend was worth it, then he is the one that has truly lost out!

I am still working on healing the hurts, so that I can keep moving forward, but when u lose someone that feels so apart of who you are... it is tough to feel whole again. Even with my amazing husband of 5 years by my side!


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