Stronger: More Than a Word.

I plan to get a tattoo to commemorate my struggles of a diamond because I went through all this pressure and horribleness to come out stronger than ever.

I met him in 8th grade. At that point and time, he swore up and down that he was gay. We became friends and one day he told me he liked me. I was stunned and I was desperate, so I told him I liked him back.That next day he asked me to date him in a bowling alley while i had gel-crunchy hair and a Slipknot t-shirt on. So we start dating and all the normal teenage goop happens. We kiss in the back of a movie theater, we hold hands in school, I told my mom and they met. One night, at a prom, I had him in charge of my phone. Big mistake. I looked at it wondering why my parents hadn't called yet, and there were at least 30 text messages and about as many missed calls. That's when it all went downhill. They asked what happened and I didn't know, so I asked him. He told me it fell out of his pocket- the first time. The second time it was that he lent his jacket to a friend, and the third time the calls were just haywire. Hint number 1 I should've kicked his butt to the curb. I told my parents as much and they thought I was lying. They held on to that one day the entire time we were dating. He and my best friend started hating each other and I eventually lost her respect, her trust, and her friendship. My mom said I couldn't see him anymore. I still did and that made a lot of lying and trouble. My mom caught me telling him I wanted to have sex. I was not to see or speak to him ever again, but I did. More of my friends hated him and outright told me, but I didn't understand why. Why couldn't anyone see he was a good person? Hints numbers 2 and 3. He started telling me he didn't want me talking to other guys and that it hurt him when I did. I obeyed. He told me he smoked and drank, but that he would quit just for me. He never did. He told me my family didn't understand what we were going through and that we should run away and never see them again. I wanted to. I couldn't cut my hair, dye my hair, wear tight or short clothes, pull my hair back in a pony-tail, have piercings or more than two tattoos that could only be on my arms or legs, show my arms and shoulders, be bisexual (even though I had been all my life and he was too), wear chokers, wear certain make-up, watch certain things, or injure myself, even if it was on accident. I obeyed every rule he set and thought nothing of it. He had to move in and out of several people's houses because his mom told him he was a worthless piece of trash everyday, his dad had a girlfriend whom he didn't like with children (to be step-siblings) who annoyed him, and his grandma thought he was stealing from her. Or so he told me. I fell for the "woe is me" sobfest and my mom didn't like it. I don't blame her now. He started cheating on me with people I knew and didn't know, telling me that someone slipped something in his drink or they made the first move and took advantage of him. Hints 4 through 27. My mom eventually let us see each other, letting me go over to his and his mom's house. We started having sex one day and his mom found us. Things didn't go well and I had to tell my mom-- but I lied first trying to pull the wool over her eyes because he promised he would dissuade his mom from making me tell her. Nope. Yet she still let me see him after some time apart. I wonder why. Anyway, his mom died soon after and at the memorial service, it was crowded so I went outside because I was claustrophobic. My guy friend/brother follows me to see if i'm ok and we start talking and he's cheering me up by acting goofy. My ex comes out and seeing us, tells me he wants me to meet someone, which was just a BS reason to get me back with him. It repeated twice more and that night he questioned my loyalty, asking what me and my friend were doing when we were outside. He did that frequently and it annoyed me that he didn't trust me like I did him. He moved in to an apartment after that and I went over a lot. That's where he told me he had a kid. I had anticipated this, seeing as how the exact story he told was told to me by a teacher when she told me he was a liar. Hint 26. He told me he felt bad about the girl and he wanted a child who he could see on a daily basis and take care of, thus devising the plan to get me pregnant. Huge hint 27. He said the right words and I was spellbound, telling him I wanted the same. When I got my period that month, I thought it was a miscarriage so I spilled my guts to my mom. She still did nothing. So after all this, I cut my hair to rebel against him and I stopped doing everything he said. One day when I was over at his apartment (he had been moving around and was now staying with a friend) my mom told me I could stay the night, but she was pissed at me. That day I got horribly sick to the point where everything hurt. My clothes hurt, my skin hurt, and I believe my migraine was the cause of it all. So he gave me what I thought was a migraine pill. I threw up the roxycodone he gave me and Root Beer (the only thing I had consumed that day) and became numb. After I woke up from falling asleep, everything still hurt, so he came up with a "brilliant" idea. My back was hurting so he tried to pop it. It let out one massive crack and I fell to the ground, barely able to move. His brilliant idea was to take off my clothes. I tried to push him away, but I could hardly lift my arm. His next move was to take his pants off while I told him no, I wasn't in the mood. Yet he proceeded through my "no's" and attempts to push him off to rape me. Breaking point. I was shell shocked the next day, I smelled like a whore, and I felt disgusting. After I went out to my Nana's, I started talking to a friend of mine that had moved to Texas, and I told him all of what happened. I was still in denial of all of it, but he helped me see what kind of a self-pitying, horrible, maggot infested kind of vile person my ex was when my friend told me he loved me, and that he had all the three years I was with It. He wanted me to be happy so he backed off, but now he told me how I deserved to be who I wanted, do what I wanted and he wanted me to be happy. I broke up with my ex over Facebook that night. Yeah, that's rude, but I couldn't face him. He traumatized me for the next three months even when I heard his name or saw a picture, so there was no way I was going to look at him or talk to him. I recently got a phone and one night when I decided to resolve the issue, he tried to tell me he still loved me and to give him another chance. I blew up at him and IT told ME that he was better off without me because I called him out on everything and he got mad. I don't care though. He's out of my life. I've told all my closest friends and my mom. I'm now with the guy from Texas and he continues to be everything I have ever dreamed about in a guy. Literally. I plan to get a tattoo on the back of my neck when i'm 18 to commemorate my struggles of a diamond because he told me I went through all of this pressure and horribleness to come out a new person who is stronger than ever, just like a diamond. I'm free from It forever and I have something he doesn't. Even after he made me have sex so many times over the three years we were together, I still have my pride, my family, my true friends, and above all else, I STILL HAVE MY VIRGINITY.


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