I can't allow myself to be broken again.

My ex, is confusing. She wants me back, but wants nothing to do with me. She misses me, but doesn't want to see me. She wants to be together, but won't fight for it. She wants it to be "us", but it before it was HER and .....me..... I say it like this, because the only time it was "us" is when it was convenient. She would go off with other guys, go drinking with friends, go visit people and all this stuff without me. She wouldn't even tell me about it or even attempt to invite me. The only time she wanted me around, is when it was completely impossible for her friends to do anything. And even then, she never wanted to go anywhere or do anything. It made me feel insignificant and unwanted. But for some reason i loved her. She just took over my world. I don't know why. But then one day, she told me she isn't in love with me any more and that we should go our seperate ways. Then a few days ago, she starts trying to get closer to me, trying to win me back. She tells me how much she misses me, how much she wants me back, and i think its because shes fighting with one of her friends. Not because she wants me. So i told her no. That i didn't think i was in love with her anymore. I lied my way to making her feel like i used to. I want her to hurt. I want her to feel the feelings i had. Even if its wrong to do this to her. My mind just screams for justice, screams for pain, screams to have her back, but i can't allow myself to be broken again.


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