my ex had a double life

I'm glad he's gone - but I feel like an idiot.

On my first offical date with my ex, we went to a gay bar with one of his friends. He said it was a fun place and that we would have a good time. I thought it was weird - but then - maybe I was being a bit uptight. Anything is possible.

Anyway, he was nice and we had fun - then we went back to my place and had sex. One week later, we were engaged - then one month later - we were married.

During our 'courtship', his best friend kept trying to tell me something about him that he felt I should know. He never got to tell me and then we moved from the UK to the US. I have an American passport.

Our marriage was okay. He didn't like sex much and started making requests that I change things about the way I dressed and looked.

This lasted for ten years. Ten years of nothingness. I felt grey and uninteresting. I wanted kids. I wanted a family. He wasn't into it - but then he changed his mind and we had a little girl. He never came near me after that.

The day before her fifth birthday, he broke down and cried telling me that he wanted to be "single and free". He told me that he was seeing someone else.

We started divorce proceedings - he moved out. A couple of months later - he told me he was seeing someone. It was a man. I was a bit shocked - but it made sense.

One year later, I had an electrician in to do some work. He did a great job - so I offered to buy him a beer. One beer led to another and soon he was quite relaxed. He then told me - in front of everyone at the bar - that my ex had propositioned him. In fact, my ex was known for coming on to men.

He was always going out with his friends for a drink - but it never occured to me that he was "out" when he was out.

Before he left - he took a second mortgage on the house, paid off his own bills and then bought a convertible.

Now, I'm stuck with a huge amount of debt, a little girl who rarely sees her dad - a the legacy of being the last to know that my exhusband was leading a double life.

I'm glad he's gone - but I feel like an idiot.

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