The Big Bang

Of course, he also adds in for good measure that he’s baffled why girls like him - yeah, makes two of us now.

Nothing worse than being the original breakup-er and then turning yourself into the breakup-ee. Lately, every time I bang my head against the wall I remind myself that the subsequent pain on my skull is just as much my fault as the heartwrenching, nausea-inducing, weepy-eyed, frustrated and scared feeling I have daily. What a total a-hole I am for ever thinking my ex, the same guy I broke up with for rational and legitimate reasons (he’s an irresponsible child with minimal ambition), should ever be the same person worthy of my total devotion and ultimate partner in the future. Why on earth did I have to go back, plead, and profess only to re-learn that he’s just not man enough for me. Of course, this time the lesson came with a heavy dose of self-pity and self-loathing. Man, I wish there were friends, gifts, games, and cake at pity-parties. Ok, enough whining - here’s the juicie:

I went back to the guy swelling with purpose and faith in the idea that our reunion was a clear path to eternal happiness only to be treated like dirt in return. First it was his girlfriend who need to be disposed of. By sleeping with me, I figured the breakup was imminent. Not so. Then two weeks later when we slept together again I figured it was immediate. Again, not so. Still - the banging of my head continued and I went to drinks to hear “his story”. Only then, after buying him multiple drinks, do I learn that he “really likes her” and that he’s just not able to make a decision. Of course, he also adds in for good measure that he’s baffled why girls like him - yeah, makes two of us now. Big bang! Now, with the strings I let him attach to me frayed to the point of snapping, he emails me a Happy Valentines day email and says he’s sorry he didn’t call me when he said he would. Snap! Strings are cut and I’m off to dance through this miserable holiday solo convinced finally (and yes, again) that my ex is a child who will never make me happy.

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