Still Alive

I didn't know how to say no. He wanted us to do Crack Cocaine, okay. I found his hidden bag of steroids in the drawer, okay. Explosive, unexpected violent outbursts aimed at me, well, okay.

Last two years of college I worked at the town's hot new bar. My costume? A cat print leotard with tail, whiskers, fishnet stockings and 5 inch spike heels. One day my Accounting professor walked in with his family and said "You're doing this to make money?" I reminded him that I still scored straight A's in his class.

I felt uncomfortable but I kept on working. Where else could I make that kind of money?

Still, at school I managed to get on the Dean's honor list every quarter, participate in the speech and debate team, and become a leader in other intellectual competitions in school. I was going to go to law school. I was absolutely single minded. This was my goal.

I had a great social life. My circle of friends, both males and females filled my time wether we were in study groups or hanging out.

Until the day I met Sammy. Sammy Ray. Tall, curly blonde hair, dimples, protector of all of us at the door. He could bounce a belligerent drinker out the door so gracefully that nobody knew what happened. I was impressed. Before I knew it we were engaged and married.

But I was so inexperienced. I didn't know how to say no. He wanted us to do Crack Cocaine, okay. I found his hidden bag of steroids in the drawer, okay. Explosive, unexpected violent outbursts aimed at me, well, okay.

When I was a child I grew up in a house of rage; This was a familiar feeling. Still it was scaring my best friend Lisa. One day Lisa looked at my bruised face and listened to the story of Sammy and his machete and his loaded rifles hanging on the wall and she told me I had to get out.

Lisa told me he would kill me if I didn't.

Boy I was angry. How dare she! But after thinking about it for a couple of days I realized she was right.

A few years pass and my mom sent me Sammy's obituary. I'm not sure what he died from, he was only 35. But after a good cry, I realized I was alive, sill alive. Thank you my dear friend Lisa.

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