3 weeks / 21 days
21 days in
Love is a funny thing. It sneaks in & tears down all of the walls that took so many years & tears to build. I didn't expect to fall in love with him but he tore down the walls & made me forget the tears.
I met him in a time of strength & solitude & happiness. I met him when I, for the first time, truly felt like myself. I met him & he showed me the kind of love that I thought was only in childhood stories & movies. I met him & I felt complete.
We helped each other through good & bad, ups & downs, laughter & tears. We were, more than anything else, best friends.
After 4 years, he told me that he was toxic for me because he was losing the battle against depression. I held his hand, I gave him my support & he kept my heart. Together we work through it all, day by day. We help each other remember all of the good that is out there & rid ourselves of the evil that became so toxic to our lives.
But, I have to remind myself every day, sometimes multiple times a day that we are not together. The love we have is not the love that kept me going for four years. The love we have now makes me strong & makes me weak all at the same time.
I have to remind myself that I gave him my heart, my whole heart, and he treated it with disrespect. I try to remind myself that the love we had was real & wonderful & even though it may not be the same now, I know by having it once, I can have it again. It just may not be with the one person who has my heart & soul.
Perhaps one day I will become stronger & I will gain ownership of my heart again without it being in pieces.