All I've wanted.
"Don't make someone your priority if you are only their option"
Have you ever woken up right in the middle of a really great dream? All you can do is lay there in bed and try to close your eyes long enough to finish just a piece of the dream that was going so well!
It's July and the weather is amazing, I'm out at one of the local outdoor bars and I see him. He is absolutely gorgeous, his smile is amazing! I can't stop staring at his eyes. Okay, so I've had a little bit to drink and it's been a really long day - but no matter which way you look at it - he is still great.
My best friend and I plan on meeting him and his roommate at a local bar to have a drink and good conversation. It's almost 1am and he walks over to me, "so what do you like to do?" and I respond with a really simple, "I actually really like to write." and it begins, everything I'd dreamed of.
He's a writer too, but not only a writer but an amazing artist, he can make pretty much anything with a paintbrush and his music is amazing. I could listen to him play the guitar and sing for the rest of my life.
Everything is going so well for us a couple of days and weeks into -- I can totally see something great happening. He believes in fate and we're both extremely passionate about life, what's could possibly go wrong?
A few drinks and angry words, I'm afraid, so I make the choice to walk away. It's simple and innocent, I wanted something that probably would have never lasted, I give up on us and leave, that's just what I do.
A few text messages and phone calls later and I'm in the same bar, it's late August and I see him. I want "us" so much and we start all over. The same feelings and thoughts, I'm happily in his arms again. I know that we can be anything, if we try hard enough.
Then it happens, the downfall, the part of that story that I never even saw coming. It's November and we're together and then December and we're still there. January comes and it's so cold outside and I see it coming -- She has a name, and she's lovely. It's the place where you think that everything is going so right, you don't need to ask questions because the silence screams at you.
The warnings were there, I don't know if I ignored them, or just let them slip by intentionally, all I can do is hope that I didn't degrade myself knowing that she was there. I ask if he has a girlfriend and he says no. He does, she is a at college.
The dream ends and I wake up, the problem now is that I miss him and I still wish that I could wake up next to him. I'm not sure if that makes me a terrible person or what. I've recently read a quote "Don't make someone your priority if you are only their option" and I guess I'm learning. But it's hard, especially today, I miss him.