You Turned Me Into You
I don't want to be a broken record. Here, I'll play us an old movie, you'll get the idea.
And I kept telling myself that I hated you, but we both know that's not true. You pride yourself in being my first love. I think it was your ego, really. Your uncontrollable need to be in the center of everything.
There's not really even that much to love. You're hurtful, you like to play around with people's emotions. Life is a big game to you. You even told me yourself.
"I like to create huge webs of lies. There fun to keep up with. They make life more interesting."
Was I just another web? Did you play around with me until I became boring? Maybe it was better that way, a game. Games are fun.
I could go on about all the things you said to me. All the promises, the "I love you's", the "hand written poems." (You do not own song lyrics, sorry.) They don't mean anything really. I don't want to be a broken record. Here, I'll play us an old movie, you'll get the idea.
Sorry. I said that word so many times. Sorry, sorry, sorry. You told me to stop. Was it because I had no reason to be sorry? Did you feel guilty about this game you were mistaking as my life? I don't think so.
I guess I knew it was getting bad when you made excuses not to see me anymore. I could tell you were getting frustrated with me. I guess I was kind of picky. I mean, how was I supposed to know it was abnormal to see your significant other more than once a week? Sorry. My fault. I should have known.
I have to admit, the ending was pretty classic. I admire you in your originality. Text messaging? Pretty heart-felt, wouldn't you agree? That's not even the best part! Of course it was my fault that we couldn't be together. I knew how hard it was for you to be close to people, and well, maybe I should have tried harder for that not to have happened?
Of course I said we couldn't be friends. Why? Because, I have a great memory. You, yourself, said that if we ever broke up, we shouldn't be friends. It's better this way, trust me.
You didn't even follow your own advice. You continuously talked to me. You even called me a friend, what else would I be? Well, I don't know.
It hurt so bad. For a week. And then, I fell in love with my best friend. He was there for me. I guess I just needed someone. I hated that even more than I hated talking to you.
It was my birthday. You saw me that day. I know you did. I also made it a goal that you saw me with him. You didn't react. I took that as a sign you didn't care.
You said happy birthday, Two days later.
My best friend and I lasted a month. I liked your excuse better. At least you had one.
After that, I couldn't even think of something unrelated to either of you. If I saw a butterfly, I thought of all the times we went on adventures. Doors reminded me of your poems: Cars, of your kisses. I don't like to use the word "depressed," but I wasn't flying high.
So, I distracted myself. I worked harder in band. That didn't work, I'm not that good. I decided to get some new friends. That worked for a while, but friends have problems. It was impossible for anyone but me to have problems.
I became intolerable. I pushed all my friends away with the excuse that I was worried for my ill-stricken little brother. I was, he's my favorite person in the whole world. But, he reminded me of you. As everything did.
Over time, I got better. Way better. I spent a lot of time with my brother. I felt bad for pushing him away. My friends came back to me with open arms. You were still talking to me, of course, but my sarcasm kept you on edge.
You told me you still liked me. I took it as one of your games, but that didn't keep my heart from swelling. I started to actually want to talk to you. But then I thought that it wouldn't be a great idea to fall into your trap, so I made one of my own.
It's remarkable how quick defenses come up after being hurt once. I changed, on the outside. I talked to you with enthusiasm. You were confused, I could tell. I was my old self again. You went along with it, I knew you would. You like games.
Let's see where this goes.
I love you.